season of life. Only a few days after the doctor’s visit, Simon went to his room to rest, and did not have the strength to get up. Mrs. Leighton wanted to hire a nurse. Gen refused. Never, people would say, had they seen such devotion. And from an Indian, others would add with surprise.
“Genevieve.”
From where she lay huddled on the rug beside Simon’s bed, Gen started awake. She lay with her eyes closed for a moment, thinking perhaps she had been dreaming.
“Genevieve, are you there?”
Turning around, she took Simon’s hand. “I’m here, dear. Right beside you.”
Simon lay so quiet she thought he had fallen back asleep. She watched him, heartened that his breathing seemed to come more easily. Perhaps his fever had broken. When she laid her open palm across his forehead, it was cool. She thanked God.
“What time is it?”
“I don’t know, really. Not dawn, yet.”
“Sit beside me.”
Gen got up and perched on the edge of the mattress next to her frail husband.
He didn’t open his eyes, but he pressed her hand in his as a faint smile brightened his tired face. He took a slow breath and opened his eyes. “Light a lamp so I can see you more clearly.”
As Gen lit the lamp at his bedside, she leaned over to peer out the window. “I can see the very first tinges of pink in the sky now,” she said softly. “It will be dawn soon.”
“You’ve been asleep on the floor?”
Gen sat down beside him again, nodding. She stretched and grimaced. “And I must say you should hurry and get well because it’s a hard night’s rest on that rag rug.” She was surprised when her attempt to cheer him resulted in tears welling up in his eyes.
He gave the slightest shake of his head. “I don’t deserve such devotion.” He closed his eyes again as tears trickled out of the corners of his eyes, across his temples and into his hair.
Gen wiped away his tears with the corner of a linen handkerchief.
“Water,” he croaked. “Could you get me a glass of water?”
Gen got up and crossed the room to the marble-topped nightstand where Dr. Merrill had left an assortment of powders and medicines alongside the blue-and-white pitcher and bowl.
After a few sips of water, Simon settled back against his pillow and sighed. “I love you, Genevieve. But not—” His voice broke. “Not as much as I have loved myself.” He swiped his hand across his forehead before pointing toward the nightstand. “Bottom drawer. A book. Bring it.”
Gen recognized the book immediately. Clutching it to her chest, she drew a high-backed oak, chair to the bedside and sat down.
He opened his eyes. “Open it,” he said. “Behold how selfish a man you married.”
Gen opened the book, obediently turning the pages before she looked up at him. “I don’t understand. How could your having my father’s journal be a testimony to selfishness? I—I thank you for letting me see it.”
He lifted his chin and pressed his head back into the pillow, straining to fill his lungs with air. “Help me sit up a little, will you?”
While Simon clung to her arm and raised himself up, Gen added more pillows behind him. Before she could sit back down, he clutched her hand and brought it to his cheek, bathing it with silent tears. “Having you in my life,” he gasped, “has been such joy. At times I was nearly afraid to breathe for fear I would waken from the dream.” He released her hand, moistening his lips before continuing. “You gave me every happiness I imagined, Gen—and some I never dared hope for.” He looked up at the ceiling. “I sound half mad, don’t I?” Finally, he looked at her. “I kept you for myself, Gen. He told me to do it, and I convinced myself it was for the best, but now—” He sighed.
“Stop talking like you aren’t going to get well, Simon,” Gen said, half frightened.
He looked at her, his eyes bright with emotion. “Stop pretending I am, Genevieve. It doesn’t help.” He began to talk, the words pouring out like water from a broken dam. “I didn’t know it then, but Daniel Two Stars did not get hanged in Mankato. Elliot and I saw him. Last winter. At Fort Ridgely. He—he gave me this—” Simon touched the diary. “—And he said to forget I had seen him.” He stole a glance at Gen before continuing. “I wanted you so badly for myself, Gen. And for the children.”