yourself for not bringing Logan with you. But there is nothing you can do to change what happened then. The only power we have is what we choose to do with what happens next.” She kissed softly at the tears spilling down Christy’s cheeks. “You’ve punished yourself for leaving your baby for nineteen years. You regretted leaving him from day one and have been keeping yourself in exile. You paid your dues, honey. I’ve watched you self-sabotage over the last five years again and again because of this. You’ve served enough time.” When Christy tried to break away from Sharon’s hold, she only tightened her grip and willed Christy to listen. “Baby, are you going to be like your momma forever? Accepting a life sentence of punishment just for making one bad decision? Or are you going to find a way to at last forgive yourself and finally meet your son?”
Sharon watched the thoughts chase each other through Christy’s unguarded expressions. She knew that here was all the pain and regret in the whole world crammed into Christy’s petite frame. It’s a wonder her shoulders didn’t snap under the burden of it.
“I love him. I know nobody is going to ever believe that but you.” Her chin wobbled, and the tears in her eyes got fatter and ran faster. Sharon felt her own eyes overflow in answer, that sharp sting in the back of her nose that warned this crying jag wasn’t going to be a silent one. “But I do. I love him so, s-so much, but I still left him anyway! I don’t deserve him, and he hates me. I know he does. How can he not? I left him! Jesus Christ, who does that to their own baby?” Christy was yelling by the end, her sobs full of such self-loathing that Sharon felt scalded by the heat of it. She did the only thing she could. She wrapped herself tight around the love of her life and cried with her.
Sharon didn’t shush her or whisper nonsensical platitudes. She just held tight while Christy bled out emotionally, wailing her perceived sins to the heavens as she begged for forgiveness from everywhere in the universe except the one place she needed it the most. Herself.
Chapter 13
Someone was lying to Derek, and it pissed him the hell off. He’d had only routine questions for Logan. Purely standard inquiry so he could eliminate the obvious and clear out the clutter. Brandi was eighteen, and it was too early to pull out the usual missing persons protocol, but he had a bad feeling about the fiery Miss Brandi. She resembled Tiffany in looks and club choices, and two open murder investigations were more than he ever wanted in his beloved county. He did not want Brandi to make it three. All this circled back to Logan lying to him about where he’d been last night and what he’d been up to. Bullshit it took a full hour for a red-blooded, fired-up nineteen-year-old in a truck to make that drive. Not in the middle of the night when he coulda made like Lightning McQueen the whole way and never cross a soul. So, what had he been doing for roughly thirty to forty minutes that he didn’t want the cops to know about? Derek swore and wished he could let it drop and get on with everything else on his plate. He needed to start tugging on the strings that would lead him to a killer.
But no. The little shit was lying to him for some godforsaken reason, and now he was left spinning his wheels until he could clear the boy out of his way. Derek had a strong suspicion that Logan had an affair going on; not a big deal unless he considered who Derek suspected the boy was seeing.
With Abram’s beliefs, it was no wonder Logan was closed up tight as a drum.
Derek cursed and rubbed a hand along the back of his aching neck. The fields flashed by his windows in rows that stood high and proud as soldiers on either side of the road. Stalks with their silky heads bobbed in the air as far as the eye could see as they stretched out before him. Cutting through the countryside, the pavement resembled a long gray cord pulling him along. In the distance, he saw the exhaust from Old Man Turner’s combine. The smell of diesel mingled with the rich aroma of fresh-cut stalks to perfume the air.