won’t kill me, Adam.” I tasted the words to come, rolled them on my tongue, and then reluctantly let them go. “He loves me.”
“Impossible. Demons are incapable of love.”
“That’s what I thought too, but he’s changed. When he believed Stefan killed me, it ruined Akil. I’m not sure he understands it, but it’s there. It’s real.” His behavior of late had me second-guessing what I knew of demons. Akil himself had told me he was different after I’d pumped him full of enough power to turn him into liquid fire. Plus, the grief he’d experienced, his reverent touch after he’d asked me to love him like a man, the things he’d said, the confusion behind his expressions: the signs were there. He hated it himself for it, but he couldn’t deny it. “He will talk to me.”
“Even if that were the case, I can’t let you in there with your demon. You’re a Class A demon and a volatile one.” He dropped his gaze to the drink in my hand. “You’re not even bothering to hide your instability. I’ve already lost one facility. I can’t afford to lose another, not while the demons are coming at us in vast numbers.”
“It’s not going to get any better. This is the first wave. You know that, right?”
He squinted at me. “It’s likely. Do you know more?”
“I have connections, remember. The princes have plans. They’re eyeing up Boston as prime real estate. Let me talk to Akil, see what he knows.”
“Do you love him?”
“Akil? No… I…” Adam gave me the arched eyebrow, and for a second, I saw Stefan’s incredulous expression in his father, the stubborn jaw, fierce eyes flecked with mischief. “It’s complicated.”
“Love usually is.”
“Seriously? I’m not having this conversation with you. What is it with Harpers and love? Stefan asked me the same thing once.”
“What did you tell him?”
“It’s complicated.”
“When Ryder’s team took Akil down, what did you feel?”
I scowled and gritted my teeth. “Are you psychoanalyzing me?”
“All the time.”
Tension crawled over my shoulders as I fought with myself to not swing at Adam. Everything about the man set my teeth on edge. A sip of whiskey, and the resulting burn reduced the itch to punch him. If I wanted to get inside the base, I had some convincing to do, and landing a right hook across Adam’s stubborn jaw wasn’t going to help. It’d sure feel good though. “Do I love Akil?” I repeated, listening to the resonance of the words, testing their weight. “I don’t want to. I know what he is. I don’t like him. Sometimes I hate him. A lot of the time, I hate him…”
Adam had the gall to look sympathetic. “Love and hate are not mutually exclusive.”
I pursed my lips. He’d just confirmed my own fears. “When Ryder took him down, I wanted to kill everyone in that alley. Akil was mine, and you’d stolen him from me. I was ready to go nuclear…until Ryder told me he wasn’t dead.” I’d felt the rage bubbling, ready to blow. I had no doubt I’d have torn that neighborhood apart.
“But you didn’t.”
“Obviously.”
“He can’t ever love you back, Muse. Their mental capacity isn’t designed for emotion the way ours is. They’re creatures driven by a purpose. Whatever they desire, they seek it out. It’s a simple existence. You might even call it liberating. But they don’t experience the complexities of life. You forget. I’ve dedicated my life to studying demons. Every minute, of every day, for as long as I can remember. It’s always been about them. They will deceive, misdirect, and use force. They will lie. A lie to them is nothing more than another tool in their catalogue of methods to manipulate. A demon does not and cannot experience love.” His eyes had softened and glistened wet at their corners. His lips pressed into the ghost of a smile. This wasn’t a clinical lesson. He was talking from the heart. He’d loved Stefan’s demon mother, Yukki Onna. And it had scarred him. Maybe she’d lied to escape him? A chip glanced off my absolute hatred for Adam; maybe he was human after all. Noticing my silence, his smile hitched, and he inclined his head. “I know what it’s like. They’re easy to fall in love with, with their smooth lies and forbidden beauty, but not so easy to fall out of love with.”
“You still love her?”
He leaned back and tightened his arms across his chest. “It’s complicated.”
When did it become okay to talk love with Adam