to start.
Bastian looked just as grim. He squeezed her hand. "Do you remember all those times we would hold hands in secret? Knowing we weren't supposed to, but taking the chance no one would see us?"
"We never got caught," Tressa said, a smile at the corner of her lips.
"Connor was always watching out for us," Bastian said. He glanced out the window, then back at Tressa.
Tressa knew he was thinking how much Connor had changed. How much all of them had changed. "Now that we've grown up, we have to watch out for ourselves. And we've made new friends."
"Jarrett," Bastian said. His eyes narrowed and his lips went thin.
So he didn't approve. Tressa shouldn't have been surprised. "And Elinor," Tressa softly reminded him. "I hear she's saved you twice." She watched for a glimmer in his eyes. He remained slumped, a little reluctant. If he had feelings for Elinor, Tressa couldn't see it.
"She has. She's a good woman," Bastian said. "I'm not here to discuss Elinor with you."
Tressa nodded, waiting for the inevitable questions. Why? And when? She wished she knew the answers. She wouldn't lie to him to make him feel better.
"The last time we were together, in the forest with our parents, things were good between us. I wanted to ask if you're okay.” Bastian rubbed her hand with his thumb. He took a deep breath. “All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy."
Knowing Bastian, he was probably happy he'd gotten it out without too much trouble. He was never verbose and expressing his feelings wasn't easy. Tressa knew that. She'd never been one of those women to complain about her man not communicating. It came easy to some. With Bastian, it didn't.
Tressa laughed a little. "Happy? I don't know if that's a good word to describe me now. Content? Yes. Hopeful? Yes." She coughed, a burn tickling in her chest. "As for us..." The words stuck in her throat. She wanted to tell him about the miscarriage, but one look in his green eyes told her it was a bad idea.
Why burden him with the loss of yet another baby? He'd grieved along with her when she never conceived the babies they so longed for. Now she'd not only have to tell him she'd lost another, but that she suspected Granna had been the one keeping them from getting pregnant the whole time.
No, she'd hurt him enough by breaking off their relationship. This was one thing she'd keep between herself and Jarrett.
"As for us, I'm sorry." She slipped from his grasp and wrung her hands. "If we’d stayed in Hutton's Bridge, we might have found our way back to each other. But here, in this new world, we don't make as much sense as we used to."
Bastian leaned over, kissing Tressa on the cheek. "I think I can understand that. I will accept it soon enough." He leaned into her, giving her a light hug.
Whether it was because she was sick or he was too afraid to get close, Tressa didn't object. She rubbed his back and was surprised to notice it didn't spark any kind of desire in either of them. She knew Bastian well enough to gauge his reactions. The lack of one was telling on its own.
"We can still be friends, right?" he asked her.
Tressa smiled. "Of course. Once I kick this virus, I want to see the kids and Hazel. Are they going to stay here at the castle with you? There were so many children, most of them now orphans. Who will care for them?"
"Connor, Elinor, and I were going to talk about that this afternoon. Do you think you're feeling well enough to meet with us? I'd love to hear your opinion."
Tressa nodded. "I wouldn't miss it. I'll be there."
"Good," Bastian said. He stood up. "I'll send Jarrett back in. He's probably waiting right outside the door."
"It wouldn't surprise me," Tressa said. "But he promised to give us privacy, and Jarrett always keeps his word."
Bastian's hand settled on the doorknob. Then he turned back. "Is he good to you?"
"Yes," Tressa said, feeling a blush spread up her neck. "He is."
"That's all I need to know." Bastian opened the door and slipped out of the room.
Within a breath, Jarrett was back at her side. "Are you okay?" he asked, putting his arm around her shoulder.
Tressa nodded and held back a tear. She wasn’t, but there was no good in worrying him further. She didn’t know exactly what was wrong with