I miss what?" Hermione asked, her hackles already rising.
There was a smile in his voice. "The stick I managed to knock loose from your arse last night."
She had planned to break the Big Bad News to him in a civil manner, but that idea was soon thrown out the window.
"You miserable, in-bred, wasteful excuse for a wizard," she told him, gritting her teeth.
He tossed the sheet away and got to his feet. Hermione felt her advantage all but whittle away. God, the boy was tall. It was hard to maintain your equilibrium when you were in the same room as an annoyed, snarky, tall, son of a former Death Eater.
And did he have to be quite so naked? They were sober, for heaven's sake. And it was...daytime.
Hermione steeled herself, anticipating a barrage of verbal abuse. But he didn't come for her, didn't even look at her. Rather, he seemed entirely occupied collecting his clothing. For some reason, this annoyed her even more.
"Get off your high horse Granger," Malfoy said wearily, as he located his shoes and set them on the dresser. "In the real world, yes, even the magical world, people have sex. That's how we make little wizards and witches."
The hair on the right side of his head was sticking straight out, such that it was nearly parallel to the ground. He must have slept on his left, because the hair on that portion was pressed flat to his scalp. All in all, he was as dishevelled as she had ever seen him, but for some reason, that served to make him all the more intimidating. The veneer of pure blood civility and manners was gone.
All that was left was Draco Malfoy and his horrible personality.
Part of her was going to enjoy telling him.
Hermione focused on a carpet stain, breathing deeply. She parted the edges of her bathrobe, completely exposing one leg, from toe to hipbone.
"Malfoy," she began, in a voice that was brittle with nerves, there's something you should know."
He was examining his wrinkled robes with an expression of distaste. "And that would be?" he inquired, finally looking at her. His eyes widened slightly as they traveled up her leg, but then narrowed to slivers when he caught sight of what she was showing him.
Draco Malfoy was a fair boy, but he must have lost two shades of colour in the space of a heartbeat.
"Oh, hell," he said, dropping his clothes to the floor.
Yes! Hermione thought, with a dash of sadistic relish. Welcome to my world.
She might have relayed the plan she had already formulated while in the shower, had he not decided to suddenly turn into a psychotic. Malfoy grabbed onto the front of her robes and hauled her to him hard enough to cause her teeth to click together painfully. She swore and kicked out at him, her toes dangling a centimetre off the carpet.
"How? When?" he demanded, sounding gratifyingly incoherent.
"Let go of me, you wanker," Hermione hissed in return. "It was neither of our ideas. After leaving Hogwarts, we went to a pub in Diagon Alley."
"The Leaky Cauldron?"
She made a 'pfft' sound. "Yes, Malfoy. We went to the Leaky Cauldron where everyone knows who we are, and came over to wish us luck on our first date."
He didn't respond to her sarcasm, but he did set down on her feet. The scowl on his face was so fierce Hermione imagined it might have caused even Viktor Krum to throw up his hands in defeat and swallow a happy pill.
"The Snake and Stone, then?"
Hermione nodded, rubbing the back of her neck where she was sure a rather nasty towel burn was forming.
"They had a tattoo place on the second floor of the pub. You wanted to look inside. We went in and I'm not quite sure how it happened, but we ended up-"
He was giving her a sceptical look."Did you drug me?"
Her gasp of outrage was probably heard three blocks away. She took a step forward, fully intending to smack him in the face, or failing that, injure any other part of him. Her hand reached within three inches of his cheek before he caught her wrist.
"You got away with that when we were children, but slap me again, Granger, and I'll break your fingers. Do you understand?" he threatened.
Undaunted, she swung one small foot around, contacting hard with his right shin. He grunted in pain and twisted her captured arm behind her back. The strength that had made her knees delightfully weak the night before