Just in time; one of the pods quivered and fell to the ground, splitting open lengthwise to reveal a shiny, sticky, open-topped green sports car. With a single frog-like hop the alien jumped in and prodded something; the car started to purr like a cat. Get in, said the voice in Theo’s head. It’s not far.
The passenger seat was a bit too small, and Theo had to perch on top of it, clinging to the dashboard with both hands. Ready? He nodded, and the car sprang into the air.
A true scientist would have kept his eyes open, but Theo felt much happier with them shut, and he kept them that way for the next ten minutes, even when the alien prodded him in the thigh and urged him to look down and see the magnificent groves of washing-machine trees, which it claimed were one of the wonders of the continent. A slight bump suggested that they’d landed, but Theo wasn’t taking any chances. Only when all sensations of motion had stopped and the alien said we’re here did he open one eye about half a millimetre.
They were in a city. In fact, if it hadn’t been for the pink sky, the pink, red and mauve buildings and the blood-red sidewalk, he could have believed he was back home. The streets were deserted –
Well, of course they are. It’s the middle of the day.
– which was probably no bad thing. The alien hopped out of the car and told Theo to do the same; then it pressed a button and the car began to wither, until there was nothing left but a pale green papery husk. The alien screwed this up into a ball and dropped it into a nearby trash can. Come on, it said, and waddled away up the street so briskly that Theo had to break into a jog to keep up.
This is the Old Town, the alien was saying, some of it’s almost two years old. They’re on about clear-felling all the way up to the Broadwalk and replanting with affordable low-cost social housing, but I say the hell with that. Some people have no sense of history, you know? Right, we’ll try in here first. It paused outside what was unmistakably a bar, and looked up at Theo with a solemn expression in its eight dark eyes. You want to watch your step a bit in here. Folks are pretty easy-going as a rule, but there’s limits, you know? Just take it easy, and it’ll be fine.
Take it easy in what way exactly? Theo thought furiously, but the alien had pushed open the door and gone in, so he took a deep breath and followed.
There’s always a scene in westerns where the stranger walks into the saloon and the whole place goes dead quiet. The effect is diluted slightly on a planet of mute telepaths, but any loss of intensity was more than made up for by the fact that every one of the drinkers at the bar had four pairs of eyes to stare at him with. All of them except one.
Hey you, said a different voice in his head. Can’t you read?
There was, of course, no way of knowing who was thinking at him, though he had an idea it wasn’t going to matter terribly much in the long run. He looked round for the alien he’d come in with, but the space where it had been standing was now ominously empty. Several of the bar aliens were getting slowly to their feet.
I asked you, can’t you read? You stupid or something?
I’m sorry, he broadcast as hard as he could; and no, I can’t read your—
More chairs scraped. It says, no aliens, the voice translated helpfully. Reckon you’d better leave, while you still can.
Oddly enough, Theo had been thinking precisely the same thing. He reached for the alien doughnut he’d hung on the front of his suit, but it wasn’t there.
It’s all right. He’s with me.
It was another voice in his head; but this time it was a voice, not an array of verbalised thoughts. He spun round, lifting six inches off the ground in the process, and saw –
“Hello, Theo,” Pieter said. “Fancy seeing you here.”
Part Three
Somewhere Over The Doughnut
“You’re dead,” Theo said.They were sitting in a back I room, on tiny kindergarten chairs, around a table on which rested a green bottle, two green cups and a plate of the