I wouldn’t care anymore.” He sounded like he had a huge weight on his shoulders. “And I can’t have that because I have to care, for the sake of everyone.” He sat back down and took my hand. “So if you’re asking if I fell in love with you,” he looked me straight in the eyes, “the answer is no. I didn’t fall for you.”
The moment the words came out of his mouth, I wanted to cry. “Your first lie,” I said.
“I didn’t lie,” he whispered. “I’m practicing being selfish.” And then he let go of me.
I sat still. “Tristan, I—” I cut myself off because I realized we weren’t alone.
I whipped around and met Valoel’s gaze.
“I should have brought some popcorn,” Valoel said, looking at Tristan. They exchanged some silent words. Valoel looked from me to Tristan, and then said, “Well, try harder.” This only made me wish I could hear whatever was being said between them.
Would Valoel tell her brother? “Valoel, I…”
I almost forgot she could read my thoughts. “Nothing happened, remember?” I knew that under no circumstance was I to tell Gideon what had almost happened. Could I do it? Of course, if it meant protecting Tristan from Gideon’s wrath.
“Well, I’ll leave you two to solve this,” Valoel said and disappeared.
“I didn’t mean to put you—” I stopped because Tristan shook his head.
He took my hands with a smile, and I knew he didn’t want to talk anymore about what almost happened. Knowing Tristan, he was going to blame himself forever.
“I have to go,” Tristan told me. “I need some answers, and someone named D says she has them, so I’m going to pay her a little visit.”
I nodded, “All right, I’ll see you later.”
“Later,” he whispered. My eyes met his once more, and all I saw was sadness. He didn’t say a word, and then just like that, he was gone.
I sat back down on the sofa, drowning in guilt. The aftermath of what had happened seemed to worsen with every passing second. As I sat there caught between my heart and my brain, I couldn’t help hearing a voice at the back of my head that kept saying, “Oh. My. God. Abigail. Cells. You. Are. In. So. Much. Trouble!”
DESIRE – ERISED
“Each second of my forever I promise to you.
Each breathe. Each moment, it’s yours.
You’re my yesterday, today, tomorrow and lifetime.
All I ask in return is that you love me a second too long.”
Melody Manful
Guilt.
It was eating its way through my brain.
“Abby, are you all right?”
Dammit, Gideon could tell there was something wrong with me. I was standing by the window next to him with my head resting on his shoulder, and I didn’t know how he could possibly tell that something was wrong with me. Maybe it was because my heart was racing.
Tell him. Don’t tell him. Nothing happened. Of course something happened. Tristan is just a friend. Oh, that phrase isn’t helping anymore. Don’t tell him. Tell him. Don’t tell him. My thoughts were at war.
“So, Tristan came back but you didn’t…where did you go?” I asked to distract myself.
“I stopped by your house on the way back to check if your mother was home. She’s not, but there’s a new book on your bed.”
I turned my full attention to him. “A book?”
“Yeah, about a girl who ruined her future when she got pregnant at fifteen.”
“I can’t believe my mother thinks that just because I have a boyfriend, I’m going to lose my virginity and get pregnant.” My mother’s assumptions were really getting on my nerves.
“It’s her job as a mother,” Gideon said, trying to calm me down.
“I’m not going to jump into bed with you, and I don’t know what to tell her to make her believe that!”
“Wow, now hold on just a second.” Gideon pulled my face close to his. “You’re not going to?” he asked, and he actually sounded disappointed. “Never?”
“No…I mean, yes, I’m going to.” I felt so awkward talking about my virginity and sex with Gideon. Embarrassment flushed my cheeks. “Not now, I mean, I want to, someday, but I’m not ready.” I wanted to lose my V-card someday, but not right now.
The disappointed look on his face disappeared. “I understand, but can I get a date and time here?” We both laughed.
“If you don’t want to wait…” I looked down. “I’m not ready, and I know that you might not want to…”
“Hey,” Gideon lifted my head up. “We’ll wait as long as you want,” he whispered. “I mean,