Dirty Thoughts - Megan Erickson Page 0,65
barbecue in the Crock-Pot for dinner. I have plans with Delilah.”
She’d brought him lunch and made him dinner. “Okay.”
“And Asher needed a new pair of sunglasses. Remember, you sat on his and broke them? So I ordered some online. They’ll be there in two days.”
She’d spent time with his half-brother today and saw that he got what he needed. “Sounds great.”
“And he wants us to go see that new Sam Andrews movie. It’s out on Thursday. I went ahead and ordered tickets, but if you can’t go, then I’ll cancel them—”
“Jenna, what are we doing?” he asked softly.
She stopped talking abruptly and stared at him, eyes wide. “What do you mean?”
“This.” He gestured between the two of them. “What is this?”
Caution. That was the emotion creeping over her features. Caution. She stood up and walked toward him until she stood a foot away, arms crossed over her chest. “I’m not sure what you mean. This is me, being a friend to Asher, just like I want to be and like you asked me to be. This is us, being friends and only friends, because that’s what you wanted, Cal. And that’s what’s best for us, since we want different things. That’s exactly what this is.”
She was everywhere now, like air. She was in his head and his life. It had only been a couple of weeks, yet Cal had a hard time remembering how life was without her. And his attraction to her? It hadn’t faded, not one fucking bit. Because even now, with her features hardened, he wanted her.
He’d always want her.
His fingers itched to grab her waist, to bury his nose in her hair. He wasn’t content to remain in her presence anymore, soaking in her light.
He shook his head. “I don’t understand what’s happening.”
“I understand,” she said softly, taking a step toward him until their hips brushed. He sucked in a breath. “What’s happening is that you don’t see what’s right in front of your face. You didn’t want a relationship or a family . . . well, what exactly do you think has been going on for the last couple of weeks?” She stepped back then, and he almost went with her. She fisted her hands at her sides. “Think about that, will you?” She tossed the rest of her lunch in the trash and walked out.
HE COULDN’T SAY what he did for the rest of the day. He worked on autopilot. He did his job, but his mind was elsewhere. Jenna’s words swirled in his head, and even though he tried hard to drown it out with the radio, nothing was working.
He’d thought for so long that he didn’t have it in him to be a relationship man, a family man. At one time, that’s all he wanted to be, to prove to himself that he wasn’t like his dad, that he wasn’t like his mom.
But that had been ten years ago. He’d spent the decade since then convincing himself he didn’t want that anymore. But if he was honest with himself, he hadn’t been this happy since . . . well, since he could remember. He and Jenna had fallen in to this weird give-and-take relationship, and he hadn’t even noticed until now.
Cal didn’t do anything unless it meant something. If he went all-in with love, then everyone’s money needed to be in the kitty in the center of the table.
His brothers had been all-in this whole time; Cal had held up a martyr complex as a shield, rather than face the truth.
And that didn’t fucking serve anyone.
Was he really going to keep up this lone-wolf act forever? It was exhausting. And now that he remembered what it was like to step outside of his little circle, to let his emotions guide him, it had felt damn good. He missed that, the drive to be with someone so badly he ached.
He hadn’t felt like that with anyone, ever, except Jenna. He was still unsure about being . . . enough. He didn’t know if he had it in him to do this all over again. If he still had the drive to care and protect. But Jenna’s return and Asher’s presence had stirred something in him that made him think maybe . . . maybe he could. Which just showed that his reserve of emotions and those damn fucking feelings went deeper than he thought.
He owed it to himself and to Jenna to give this relationship with her a chance. He wasn’t ready to