steady but gentle pressure to my anus until I relax to let him in.
“Push a little,” he tells me.
I do, and he slides in. It’s too big, and I draw a sharp breath, but once his head is in, it gets better.
“All right, kitten?”
“Yes,” I pant.
He eases the rest of the way in, inch by inch until he’s all the way seated, and he gives me a moment to get used to the sensation. Then he begins a very slow pump.
My eyes roll back in my head. It shouldn’t be so pleasurable.
Ravil rubs my clit hard and fast.
I moan and hiccup, moan again. He begins to pick up speed fucking my ass, pushes in deeper, pulls out farther. Everything feels good. Stretchy, full, but good.
Ravil fucks my pussy with the cone of his fingers put together, and I cry out, needing desperately to come.
“Not yet,” Ravil warns.
“Please. Oh please, oh please, oh please. I need to come now. Stop. More! Oh God.”
Ravil’s breath grows erratic. I open my eyes to watch him, watch his passion take over his face, watch him lose control.
His fingers tighten on my hip, the ones in my pussy falter.
He makes a choking sound then shouts as he shoves in deep. He lets out a stream of Russian that sounds like praise. Maybe gratitude.
I don’t come. I don’t know—it feels too weird with his cock in my ass, but then he pumps his fingers in and out of my pussy some more, and my legs thrash as I come all over his fingers, my anus almost painfully tight around his cock.
“Ahh-ah!” he groans. He leans over and kisses my shoulder. “That’s an apology,” he says with satisfaction when he straightens.
I let out a puff of laughter and watch him as he eases out. He helps me up and propels me to the shower, stripping off his clothes and stepping in behind me.
I turn to face him under the spray of water. “I’m sorry I offended you,” I say. I want to be able to say, “I’m sorry I misjudged you,” but the jury’s still out on that.
He leans his forehead against mine. “Don’t. I was a cunt.”
“You weren’t.” I pick up the bar of vanilla-scented soap and roll it around in my hands getting them soapy. Then I set it back down in the soap tray and press both my palms to his tattooed chest, spreading across his pectoral muscles and down his rigid abs. “What do these mean?” I ask.
Ravil backs up, and I follow. He leans his head back against the tile and sighs, catching my hands. “I don’t want to tell you, kitten.”
“Haven’t you realized yet that the things I make up in my head might be worse?”
He winces. “Doubtful.” He touches a large tattoo on his right pectoral. “This is the symbol for the brotherhood and inside it, the symbol of my first cell—the one in Leningrad.”
He points to one on his right ribs. “This is the cell in Moscow. Igor’s cell. He is still my boss, but I won’t be bending knee to his successor.”
“Is there one for your cell?”
He shakes his head. “No. I have no need for these old ways. I’ve woven a different network here in Chicago.”
“What are these?” I touch the ones across his knuckles.
His face grows stony. “Kills.”
I suck in my breath, trying to keep a poker face, despite my shock. I shouldn’t be surprised. I’d guessed that’s what they meant. Still, it’s different to hear it said out loud.
“The placement on the knuckles is to intimidate. To let my adversary know these hands have choked the life out of others.” His eyes are dead when he tells me.
I should run. I should be afraid. But instead, my instinct is the opposite—to lean in. I press my body against his and wrap my arms around him, as if I might impart the same comfort he offered me with his embrace earlier.
He sucks in a surprised breath then lets it out, his arms coming around me. “I would never, in a million years, wish this life on my son,” he murmurs into my wet hair.
A sob breaks my throat, and I bury my head against his chest. “I’m sorry,” I offer although I’m not sure what exactly I’m apologizing for.
For his pain.
For judging him.
And yes, for trying to keep Benjamin from him.
I know now, with far more certainty, that Ravil will make an excellent father.
Chapter 15
Ravil
“Zdravstvuyte, Maykl,” Lucy greets my doorman brightly when we return from our