The Devil's CrownPart Two - Monica James Page 0,63
is illuminated in strobes of light, thanks to the action flick on TV. It only highlights her agitated state. “I have nothing I want to say.”
She spins, making a mad dash for the bathroom, but not this time.
Launching off the bed, I jump over the twisted blankets and reach out, snaring her wrist. She rips free and spins, and with a cry, she slaps my cheek. “Don’t touch me!”
“Ella,” I press, ignoring the sting to my face because it pales in comparison to the one in my heart. “What happened to you? Please tell me.”
“What do you want to hear?” she screams, tearing at her snarled hair. “How I allowed myself to be used? By Frank. By Santo. By you. And the worst thing is, you knew, didn’t you? You knew they were hurting me?”
“I didn’t know how badly until I saw the bruises—”
“Yet you still decided to lose,” she interrupts, eyeing me angrily.
“Goddammit!” I cry, needing to punch something because I am so frustrated she won’t listen to me. “I was never going to leave you there. Even if I had to take you against your will. I didn’t know—”
“Didn’t know what?” she presses, daring me to continue to make excuses.
“I didn’t know if you still…liked me,” I settle on. The words feel like glass cutting through my windpipe as I confess my fears.
She scoffs, unmoved by my honesty. “And that’s the problem, Alek. I liked you too much.”
I don’t fail to notice her use of past tense.
“What does that mean?” I beg she open up so I can fix it and make it right. But we are way past a quick fix.
“It means I don’t even know how you feel about me. Your actions show you care, but then you go and act as though I’m some damsel in distress who needs rescuing. Why can’t you treat me like an equal? Why can’t you trust me?
“It was so easy for you to send me away. So easy for you to lie to me. And I know you did this because you thought you were protecting me, but all you did was make me feel helpless.”
“I never meant to do that. The need to protect you had nothing to do with you, but everything to do with me and the situation you were in because of me,” I argue, wishing she’d understand why I did what I did. Yes, the plan wasn’t foolproof, but I couldn’t let anything happen to her. “I was trying to keep you safe. Just as I am now. You’ve started a war with the Macrillos. Why did you kill Frank? What did he do to you?”
She shakes her head, pulling her lips into a thin line.
I know she doesn’t want to talk about it, but I need her to. Bottling this up will kill her inside, and he will win.
“He may be dead,” I state, fists clenched by my side. “But he’ll always have control over you if you let this fester. All you’ll think about is him, about what he did, about what you could have done differently, and you’ll be his prisoner forever.
“Believe me when I say, if you don’t expel your demons, they will rule you for the rest of your life. And sooner or later, you’d wish he killed you instead.”
Tears well in her eyes, and as much as it kills me to see her cry, this is the first step of her healing. Her hard exterior will crumble. It’s holding on by a thread.
“Why are you helping me?” she asks, her lower lip trembling.
“Oh, красавица, for you to ask this of me breaks me. I would do anything for you. I know this is hard to understand, but everything I’ve done has been for you. Sending you away was the only way I could ensure your safety.
“If anything happened to you—”
“What?” she poses, wiping away her tears. “If anything happened to me, what would you do?”
Heat creeps up my neck because I know what she’s asking. She wants me to tell her that I love her. But they’re merely words, ones that don’t even skim the surface of how I feel about her.
“You can’t even say it,” she says with a broken smile. “Are you afraid it’ll make you weak?”
“No…I’m already helpless when it comes to you,” I confess honestly. “Will saying three meaningless words prove to you how much you mean to me?”
She doesn’t reply.
“I can’t say them because I don’t know what it, what…love is,” I say,