The Devil's CrownPart Two - Monica James Page 0,62
that will be for long. Even though I’m utterly exhausted, I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes, all I can see is Ella’s broken, bleeding body.
None of that would have happened if I had protected her. I failed her. She has every right to hate me, and hate me she does. Today, she wouldn’t even look at me. I knew damage had been done. I just didn’t anticipate how much so.
I thought once I explained, she’d understand, but I was wrong. She sees my decision as yet another betrayal.
I need to know what happened between her and Frank for it to have ended the way it did. But something monstrous happened to Ella. The physical scars aside, she is harboring something so heinous, she can’t even stand to be in the same room as me.
My mind thinks the worst, and what Saint said, about her underwear being torn…it all points to something unthinkable happening. I saw her bruises the night of the poker game. Even though she tried to conceal them, I saw, which is why I decided to lose the poker game.
I hate that I didn’t trust her, but it would have been foolish of me to think she was doing this for me. I wish that she was, but I’m still no closer to uncovering any of this.
With a sigh, I hobble down the stairs, my limp not getting any better as I refuse to use my cane like some invalid. I quietly open the bedroom door, thankful to see Ella’s sleeping form on the bed. The glow from the TV allows me to see her curled in a fetal position with the blankets thrown off to the side.
There isn’t anywhere else to sleep because the spare bedroom has a foldout sofa fit for an elf, so I strip off my clothes and slip into a pair of sweats. It’s already warm enough with the sweats, so I don’t bother with a T-shirt and slowly get into bed. I don’t want to frighten Ella, so I turn my back to her and move as far away as I can, giving her some space.
I’m on the edge of the mattress, but just the sound of her gentle breaths is enough to lull me into a sleepy state. She once teased maybe one day we’d take our impassioned lovemaking to a bed. Now that that is a reality, I’ve never felt more detached from her than I do right now.
We may share a bed, but we may as well be worlds apart.
Just the thought of losing her forever has my heart twisting into knots. I don’t think I’d survive it. I wish I was better experienced with this sort of stuff, but I don’t know how to deal with all of these foreign feelings.
I’m an emotional mess. And not knowing how she feels about me pains me in ways I’ve never experienced before.
Rolling onto my back, I toss an arm over my eyes, wishing to block out these insecurities that just seem to grow worse. Everything is such a mess.
“No, please no.” Ella’s whimpers have me slowly removing my arm as I turn to look at her.
Her face is pinched tight as she thrashes her head from side to side. “Get off. Please, get off me.”
Shooting upright, I lean over and gently touch her shoulder. “Shh, Ella. You’re safe.”
But my touch seems to rouse her demons.
“No!” she shrieks before rocketing up, her labored breaths no doubt matching her racing heart.
She brushes the hair from her face as she looks around the room frantically. When she realizes where she is, her breathing calms, and her shoulders drop.
However, when she turns and sees me sitting beside her, she scoots away so quickly, she falls off the bed. Quickly scampering after her on hands and knees, I peer over the edge of the mattress to see her tangled in the blankets.
“Let me help you.”
Just as I’m about to reach over, she asserts, “No, just leave me alone.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I press because her stubbornness isn’t getting her anywhere.
I tug at the blanket, helping to free her, but you’d think I just pulled it back over her head. The moment she’s free, she springs to her feet and backs away from me. The wall prohibits her from moving any farther.
Her retreat just adds to the hole in my chest. “Why are you acting this way?” I beseech she give me some insight into why she hates me so. “Talk to me.”