and I could not imagine what you endured.”
“Why didn’t you say that?”
“I told you I loved you,” she said. “Don’t you know what that meant? I loved you regardless of your scars, your flawed past and I wanted nothing else than to be with you.”
“Do you still love?”
“Yes, but it’s now complicated. It does not feel the same as before. I’m still fiercely attracted to you, but it does not feel the same. I’m mad at you and I want to hurt you.”
“I thought you took all that rage out against the poor Beetle,” he said.
“Don’t remind me,” she said.
“Oh,” he said.
“What?”
“I sort of had Simon keeping an eye on you, and there’s a video.”
“No,” she said.
He nodded. He had a devilish smile on his face.
“You have to get rid of it,” she said.
“I think it is actually quite hilarious,” he said. “I mean Larry was on the floor when we were watching it.”
“You showed it to Larry?”
“Everybody saw it,” James confessed. “Let me put it to you this way. There will never be a cricket bat nearby while you’re around. At least now I know why my scalp hurt.”
Willow smiled despite her mood.
“I don’t want to be that person,” she said. “I don’t want to hurt you. I cannot think about you right now without a thought of how I can really hurt you like I hurt that morning. It’s like this afternoon. I enjoyed having sex with you, but I wanted to rip every hair out of your head in clumps.”
“I understand. But that doesn’t solve our problem of you living alone with this baby growing inside you.”
“I can spend some time with my grandmother,” Willow said. “She has already invited me to stay.”
“She’s at least a half hour from your office. I’m not comfortable with you commuting every day.”
“Taxi service,” Willow said.
“I’ll hire a driver for you,” James said.
“Then we’re settled?” she asked.
“Yes, you’re off to grandmas,” he said. “But only if I get to visit.”
“I’m sure she won’t mind.”
"While you are already mad at me, I want to make one more confession."
"What is it?"
"I switched your pills."
"What?"
"The evening you asked Giles to pick up your pills at the pharmacy, I changed them to vitamins. I read online that it takes eight to eighteen months before we could try at having a baby once you get off the pills. I figured by the time we got around to actually working on a baby, we would be married already and it would not be a problem."
"You could have asked me to stop taking the pills," she said.
"I could have? What would your answer have been?"
"It’s pointless to ask me now. Good night."
“Will,” he said and took her hands into his. “I hope one day you can really forgive me and we can recapture what we had.”
She hugged him.
Chapter 14
By mid-November, Willow had lost two kilos since the last weigh-in. The doctor assured them that she was perfectly healthy although James was skeptical. Though they were no closer to being a couple again, they remained amicable. James had in fact become quite the fixture at her grandmother’s house. He was allowed to stay nights, though he opted for the seclusion of the guest house across the lawn whenever he took her up on the offer.
Today was their third doctor's visit. The report was all good. They went back to his office as it was late in the evening and he was accompanying her to her grandmother's.
"Can we have dinner tonight?" he asked.
"Nana always overcooks."
"I mean you and I?"
"You know I don’t want to eat out."
"I have an apartment just on the next street. I could whip up something in a few minutes."
Willow took a deep breath.
"You know how I feel about being in your residence."
"Will, I made a huge mistake. I know what I said was the awful, but I was not quite myself. You know whether you want to or not, you will have to be in my home after you have the baby."
"I know. I know."
"So we’re having dinner, yes?"
"Okay."
They walked from his office to his apartment. His bodyguards followed a respectable distance.
Willow did not realize how cold it was outside until they were inside the warmth of his apartment. During their time together they only spent a few nights in this apartment. She removed her coat and placed it in the coat closet.
"Do I still have clothes here?" She asked.
"Yes. I haven't gotten rid of anything."
"Okay. I am going to have a quick shower, if you