for what I did to you, Shax. I knew what you wanted, so I used your infatuation to get what I wanted. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to be so mean.”
“It’s okay. You helped me win Angel.” A wistful note crept into his voice when he said her name.
It hurt to know I would never have anyone talk about me like Shax talked about Angel.
“You guys should let Merdon choose someone else. It’s not fair to stick him with me just because no one else wants me.”
Shax’s silence became noticeable after a beat, and I looked over to meet his perplexed gaze.
“Many fey want you, Hannah, and Merdon has always been free to choose who he wants. He wants you. My brothers are respecting that decision.” Shax’s expression turned troubled. “Do you prefer a different fey?”
I could see how much the idea upset him.
“Honestly, I don’t even like myself very much. How can I like anyone else?”
His gaze searched mine. Instead of asking questions, he simply wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. It wasn’t a move to get some girl-contact time. It was just a friendly, almost brotherly hug. And it was my undoing. Tears fell quietly as I let myself accept his offer of friendship even though I knew I didn’t deserve it.
“You should like yourself,” Shax said softly. “You will never be happy until you do.”
“This wall is turning into a therapy couch,” I said. “First Brenna telling me to talk to someone, and now you telling me to like myself. I wish it was all that easy.”
“It is. I like you. So do Angel and Brenna and Thallirin.”
“Thallirin might be a stretch,” I said sniffling.
Shax grunted.
“Yes. He is much taller than you.”
I snorted a laugh and didn’t try to correct him. Instead, I leaned my head on his shoulder and watched the light fade from the sky. He didn’t get antsy even though I knew he was probably thinking about Angel.
“Thanks for the talk, Shax.”
“Anytime.”
“You should probably get back to Angel.”
“Not until you come down from the wall. Do you want me to carry you home?”
“No, thanks. I’m tired of being carried. Merdon keeps throwing me over his shoulder. One of these days, I’m going to barf on his back just to spite him for being mean. I know you think he picked me, but I don’t think he’s happy about his choice.” I stood, and Shax rose, too. “I still think you should encourage him to pick someone else. All I do is make him angry.”
Shax blinked at me in the way fey did when they were either thinking or stumped. I wasn’t sure which applied right then.
“Have you heard Merdon and Thallirin’s story?” he asked finally. “Not about Oelm’s death but about what happened to Merdon and Thallirin after they left the protection of Ernisi?”
“No.”
“Let me help you down, and I’ll tell you the story.”
I nodded, and he picked me up nicely and jumped to the ground. His heat seeped into my numb legs, and I felt a little colder at the loss when he set me down again.
“Outside the walls of our home, only the light caves kept Merdon and Thallirin safe. Thallirin didn’t want safety. He wanted to join Oelm. Because of Oelm’s death, both Merdon and Thallirin understood that the crystals we wore were what brought us back to life. In the days after their exile, Thallirin tried removing his crystal many times.
“The hounds hunted them relentlessly. Thallirin would throw himself into their midst, and Merdon would need to fight them to get the crystal back on Thallirin before they both died. They were reborn together many times. Merdon never let Thallirin have what he wanted.”
“Why?”
“Because each time Thallirin came back, he was more anguished.”
“I don’t understand. Merdon was purposely making Thallirin suffer?”
“Merdon believed that Oelm would not want them to follow him to a final death. To value Oelm’s death, they needed to live as Oelm would have lived. Oelm was a good man, a strong hunter, and a fierce opponent. He would have thought a final death cowardly and would have been ashamed to call them brothers.
“After Merdon told Thallirin that, Thallirin still threw himself to the hounds, but he kept his crystal on and wouldn’t allow himself the relief of rebirth. He would fight the hounds and win. And Merdon would need to drag him, bleeding and unable to walk, to the crystal cave to heal for many days. Thallirin chose