Thanks to him, my imagination had supplied me with what I’d needed to make the dream seem so very real.
I twisted around to glare at him, but his chair was empty. Maybe I was finally getting lucky. That was two mornings in a row without him now.
Glancing at the sunlight again, I hurried out of bed and got dressed. I didn’t want to miss my time with Brenna. I needed to learn to use that bow so I could shoot Merdon in his sleep.
I paused and glanced at the chair again. Did he sleep?
Shaking my head, I pulled on a sweater then jogged my way down to the kitchen.
“Morning,” Emily said with a happy smile. “I saw you ate last night. I was worried when Merdon said you picked sleep over food.”
“I didn’t really have a choice. Sleep picked for me.”
“Does that mean it’s getting better?” she asked hesitantly.
“We both know it isn’t,” I said, knowing darn well she’d heard me last night. My throat still felt scratchy from all the screaming.
“Sorry.” She slid a plate stacked with eggs—real ones, hash browns, and bacon—toward me. My mouth watered looking at it all.
“How?” I asked, pointing to the food with my fork.
“Ryan’s farm raids. He found some chickens still alive in one of those big chicken farms. The place was a mess. It looked like a hellhound had gotten in and ripped open most of the cages. But, there were a few chickens surviving in the carnage.”
I looked at my eggs, briefly wondering what the chickens had been eating with no one there to feed them, then decided I didn’t care and dug in. It was heavenly.
“Where’s Merdon this morning?” I asked between bites.
“Not sure. As soon as I came downstairs to start breakfast, he left without a word.”
“If we’re lucky, maybe he won’t come back.”
She made a non-committal noise that I knew from past experience came before much commenting.
“What?” I asked, giving in to the inevitable.
“Would we be lucky? I mean, we have food. We have the security of knowing he’s here at night. You’re doing better even if the dreams are still giving you trouble. Having him around has helped us.”
Giving her a disbelieving stare, I pushed up my sleeves to show the light bruises from yesterday’s bites.
“Thanks to Merdon, I was the one dying last night. No, we are not luckier having him around. I get that you wanted me to stop drinking. Fine, I’m off the booze, and I’m eating. Can’t that be enough? Why does he need to stay here, tormenting me, just to make you feel better?”
“I think he means well but is going about things in the wrong way.”
I snorted then finished my last bite.
“Thank you for breakfast. It was amazing. Your thoughts on Merdon, not so much. I’ll be back around lunch if my keeper allows it.”
I left her in the kitchen, looking guilty.
Outside, the sun warmed my face and the breeze played with my curls, tugging a few of the shorter ones free of their confines. Fey nodded or waved to me as I passed, not hiding as much as the day before. However, I spotted them less frequently as I approached our spot to practice archery.
There were a few more people waiting for me than the day before.
“Hey, Hannah,” Angel said when she saw me. “Word’s spreading.”
I looked at Eden, who was already getting a quiet explanation from Brenna about the bow, then at the girl standing beside them. Her dark, curly hair was pulled back, showing the rapt attention in her dark eyes as she listened to Brenna. The girl was young, around Katie’s age. And seeing her there made me feel awful things: guilt, panic, anger, and a shit-ton of shame.
“That’s Tasha,” Angel said, catching my stare. “She was the other girl kidnapped with you and Brenna. Brenna’s family took her in. They’re treating her like one of their own, teaching her archery and everything. She’s loving it, and I think Brenna’s enjoying having a little sister.”
The words were a knife to my soul. Angel continued on, unaware of how deeply she’d just cut me.
“I know I love having Garrett in my life. Who would have thought I’d find a family in this mess? It’s kind of neat, all the adopting going on.” She patted her belly.
Visions of Katie falling to a horde of infected surged forward in my mind. I’d had a family, and I’d turned my back on it. I’d killed it. I’d killed my sister.