my response to her. Further confrontation would not improve my circumstances. I needed to be smarter, less emotional. Emotions were for at night when I had no control.
When I didn’t answer, she walked away, her steps soft on the hall carpet. Determination wormed its way inside me. I was not going to let Emily and Merdon get away with manipulating my life. If Merdon wanted balls, I’d show him balls. And once I brought him to his knees, I’d take back my bottles.
Pulling myself up off the floor, I stumbled to the bathroom, intent on making myself presentable. The dress fell in a pool around me, and I happened to catch a glance of myself in the mirror before I quickly turned away. The skeletal glimpse wasn’t the pre-quake version of myself that still lingered in my mind. But, we were all thin now. It wasn’t a big deal.
Under the spray of the shower, I wet my hair. My fragile determination slipped fractionally as darker thoughts slipped in. Why go through all the effort? The alcohol was a bandage. There was only one real cure. Ending it all. The roof didn’t work. There were other methods.
Even as I mentally cringed away from the thought, my gaze slid to where I kept my razor. It was gone. Frowning, I turned off the water to check the drawer. Everything sharp was gone.
I stood there, dripping water all over as mental pieces fell into place. Merdon’s presence this morning. Emily’s overreaction. Now, the missing razor.
Merdon told Emily about the roof.
Panic consumed me, and I gripped the countertop for support as my mind raced. The desperation of my situation had never been higher. I really needed those bottles. I couldn’t cope with Emily knowing, not without them.
Grabbing a towel, I dried quickly and dressed. I didn’t bother with my hair or makeup. I needed to find Merdon, fast, before he blabbed to someone else. Given the fey’s love to gossip, it was likely already too late. My stomach churned at the thought. What would I do if everyone knew? No one would help me, then.
Rushing out the door, I nearly plowed Emily over in my hurry.
“Where are you going?” she said, rushing after me.
“Trying to fix your fuck-up,” I said, lifting my jacket from the hook as I flew out the door.
My first impulse was to start yelling Merdon’s name. He’d already proven the superiority of his hearing with his fey ears, so I knew he’d hear me wherever he was within the walls. As would every other fey, and I didn’t really want to call attention to the need behind my rush to find him if he’d actually kept his mouth shut.
Taking off at a jog, I started down the road. The snow crunched under my feet, and my breath misted in front of me.
The fey I passed nodded at me normally enough, not that I could count on that as an indicator of anything. Very little fazed them to the point that they would act differently. Playing along, I waved and smiled like normal and continued jogging as if my side wasn’t splitting in two or my breathing labored.
At the end of the road, I paused, panting as I looked around for the ass who’d been following me around for days. Where in the hell was he? I struggled not to let my anger show and forced my fisted hands to relax. Rather than running around and collapsing in the snow, I waved down a single fey.
“Hey, have you seen Merdon?”
“What do you need, Hannah?” the bastard asked from behind me.
I whirled around with a glare.
He nodded to the fey, who jogged away, before looking down at me.
“I want you to return what you stole.”
“No.”
“It wasn’t yours to take. I know you understand what stealing means and that it’s wrong. Now, give it all back.”
“I did.”
I wanted to pull all the hair from his head.
“You did what?”
“I gave it back to the fey you tricked into giving it to you.” He stepped closer, menacingly. “I know you understand what trickery is and that it’s wrong. Now, go home, Hannah.”
I shook with my need to swing out and throat punch him. All I would do was hurt myself, though. Damn their strength and durability.
“You have no idea how much I wish I had the strength to hurt you right now.”
“I do know. I also know that hurting me will not make you feel better.”