on fire for warmth. How will we get water when water pumps start to go? None of that stuff is going to last forever. What happens when we have to leave Tolerance more than we do now in order to survive? What will the next generation do? How will they feed themselves through long winters? Will they need to migrate south just to be able to continue growing things?”
His hand stroked over my hair.
“My first memory is of a soft glow in the darkness. My brothers and I didn’t know where we were. We had no food, few weapons, and almost no light. We survived in the caves with much less than what is on the surface now. We will survive again. This time, we will do so with the humans at our sides.”
His words gave me a little hope, and only further proved that I needed to face my fears and leave Tolerance. Yes, I’d left it plenty of times to cross to Tenacity, but never to gather supplies. I’d left that risk to others.
Knowing that we’d be leaving in trucks that made noise, which attracted the infected, terrified me. My hold on Merdon tightened.
“Why’d you leave your pants on?” I asked.
“I want to be your focus, not your distraction from fear.”
“I’m pretty sure I would have been very focused.”
He grunted, and I ran my fingers over his bare chest, teasing the skin as much as I was memorizing it. He let me go for a bit before he caught my hand and laid it over his rapidly beating heart.
“Go to sleep, Hannah. Dawn comes early.”
I smiled to myself, liking this version of Merdon better than the one who spanked me with no good reason. Well, not any reason I’d liked. Although, he’d been right about the sting of pain motivating me. I cringed, recalling the few times we hadn’t been on the mats and his hand had still smacked my backside. I’d earned those for being a brat. Still, I wouldn’t have acted so badly if I’d known what was going on. I’d thought he was just acting like a mean son of a—
My eyes went wide, and I lifted my head to look down at him.
“Can I ask you something without getting spanked for it?”
His eyes narrowed suspiciously, but he nodded. I almost grinned but managed to withhold it.
“I swore at you so much and called you so many names, which I’m sorry for, by the way. Mostly.”
He grunted, and I could see the hint of a smile tug at his lips before he smothered it.
“No matter what I said, you never lost your temper with me. Except for one phrase that earned me a spanking every time. Why did ‘son of a bitch’ get me in trouble when all the others didn’t?”
“I have no memories prior to my life in the caves. None. No father. No mother. But I am someone’s son. I can endure your disrespect of me, but not my parents. That I cannot allow.”
In the dim light, I studied his serious expression and melted a little more for the man.
“I’m sorry I hurt you.”
He tugged me down for a gentle kiss then coaxed my head to rest on his shoulder once more.
“You were hurting, Hannah. When you hurt, we will hurt together.”
With those words, I acknowledged what I’d felt for some time now. I was Merdon’s, and he was mine. Heart and soul.
I drifted off a while later, comfortable in his arms. How long I remained that way before my familiar nightmare woke me, I couldn’t be sure.
Heart racing and covered in sweat, I jerked from Merdon’s hold.
“You are safe,” he said as I looked around the room.
I nodded and put my head back on his chest even as my eyes continued to search the shadows.
“It’s like Katie’s still there, waiting for me to take it all back. To make things right,” I whispered.
He ran his hand over my arm as I continued to tremble.
“Nothing can change the past, Hannah. You know this.”
I did, and I hated it.
Lifting my head again, I looked at him in the dark.
“Can you be my distraction just for a minute?”
His hand stilled.
“And I don’t mean taking me to the basement. That’s not the distraction I want.”
I trailed my hand from his chest to his stomach, reveling in every twitch along the way. He stopped me just after I passed his navel.
“Please,” I whispered.
He growled, and a second later, I was pinned under him. This time I reveled