spent hanging out with Emily even if a few of them created a deeper hurt. I now understood just how much she’d been starved for me to treat her like the sister she’d become. The sister she’d wanted me to be. I vowed I wouldn’t go back to the selfish person I’d been. That each day, I’d get a little better. For her. And for Merdon. Because even though he’d left again for all the best reasons, I’d missed him like crazy.
We ate a companionable dinner, enjoying light conversation until Emily set her fork down abruptly.
“I can’t keep pretending that you never gave your word, Merdon. If taking her out is that dangerous, don’t do it. She’s just as important to you as she is to me.”
“No. She’s—”
“All right, you two, no fighting over me. I get it. I’m important to both of you,” I tried to joke. But Emily wasn’t having any of it.
“I want your word,” she repeated.
“I swear, we will both return unharmed.”
She stared at him for a moment then left the kitchen. The soft click of her door was like a gunshot in the quiet.
“She thinks I’m not coming back,” I said.
“I know.”
I snorted at his typical answer but couldn’t truly feel any humor. Emily was scared. Something I understood all too well because I felt it too. Yet, Nancy was right. There was no more safety in staying here than there was in leaving.
My mind in turmoil, I finished my dinner and wrapped up what was left of Emily’s like she’d done for me countless times. Merdon watched me in silence. Patient but all too observant.
“Am I being stupid for wanting to go?” I asked.
“No. You are brave.”
“Not at all. I’m sticking to the one person I know wants to keep me alive. I feel safer when I’m with you.”
His gaze searched mine for a moment, then he wrapped me in his arms and smoothed his hand over my hair. Setting my cheek to his chest, I let out a shaky exhale.
“I feel safe when you’re with me, but when you hold me like this, I feel like I’m home again,” I whispered. “I don’t want to hurt Emily, but I don’t want to leave you. Any chance you’d consider just staying here tomorrow and letting Thallirin lead the group to the place where the animals are?”
The movement of his hand slowed.
“Emily will not be hurt when you leave. She will be afraid. That is her choice. Yours is to continue to live in the dark world your mind has created or to face your fears and build a better world.” He tipped my head up to meet his gaze. “I hope you face your fears, but know that I will live with you in whatever world you choose.”
I nodded slowly, understanding what he was saying. I needed to decide for us.
It weighed heavily on my mind as we went upstairs and got ready for bed. So heavily, in fact, that I didn’t realize he was sitting in his usual chair until I’d slid under the cool covers.
Rolling to my side, I looked at him. After what we’d shared in the shower, I’d assumed there’d be a continuation tonight. Had Nancy not arrived, we probably would have picked up where we’d left off immediately after the shower, given what I’d heard from the fey. When women said yes, it tended to be a green light for a sex-fest. Yet, Merdon was in his chair, calmly sitting there, watching me back.
“Why are you over there?” I asked. “Wouldn’t you rather be right here?”
I patted the empty spot beside me and didn’t miss the hunger that flooded his gaze.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Thoughts of the next day vanished as Merdon stood with a slow prowl that set my heart racing. He removed his shirt in a fluid motion and tossed it aside before reaching for the band of his pants. There, he hesitated, his gaze sweeping over my face. Whatever he saw caused him to join me under the covers without undressing further.
He pulled me close, and with a sigh, I rested my head on his shoulder. Safe and comfortable in his arms, and not as distracted as I’d hoped I would be, my worries returned.
“What are we going to do?” I asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Even if we find animals, how are we going to continue to live? How long do solar panels and water heaters last? Eventually, what we have now will break, and we’ll be back to depending