what I’m saying? That it’s not some game or ploy to manipulate you into getting my way? Because I don’t like how those speculative looks of yours make me feel. It’s annoying, and I have enough crap on my plate to deal with. I thought I’ve always been real with you.”
He was quiet for a moment.
“You have. But is it because I won’t allow you to treat me as you have the others or because you don’t want to?”
It was my turn for silence. He asked a good question that led to deeper self-reflection. Was I just being real because he wasn’t letting me get away with anything else? What would I do if I thought I could pull something over on him. The little devil in me got excited by the idea. Not because I wanted to get away with something but because I wanted him to stop me.
His spankings had warped me. That was the only explanation for it.
The remainder of the walk to the house was quiet.
When I opened the door and called out that we were home, Emily’s response was immediate.
“Nuts or no nuts?” she asked, popping up from behind the island.
“I hate when you do that, you weirdo,” I said. “And nutting isn’t necessary. He left to find animals for me.”
Her expression lit up as she looked at Merdon.
“Did you find any?”
“Yeah. A cat,” I said.
“Ooh.” She made the oh-no face to go with the sound. “You better go shower. Hannah’s allergic.”
“How did you know?” I asked.
“One of the many rounds of spin the bottle. I asked what hurt you. You said cats.”
“Ah.” She had probably hoped for a far different answer when she’d asked that question. Maybe, someday soon, I’d talk to her about it. But I wasn’t there yet.
Merdon started for the guest bathroom downstairs, and I watched him leave.
“Glad he’s back?” Emily asked.
“Yeah.”
“Did you tell him he gets the couch?”
“I’m thinking about offering the other side of my bed.”
“Mmm,” she said, the non-committal noise giving me no clue what she was thinking.
“Are you being judgy? Because if you are, I’m going to tell Mary that you’re desperate for a man in your life.”
“Ha. I’m not judging. I’m wondering what reason he gave for going out to find an animal for you, especially a cat, that has you protecting his nuts after all those spankings. It must be something good to upgrade him from the couch to the bed.”
“When I first saw the cows after I sobered, it gave me hope. Hope that we weren’t just sitting inside these walls, waiting for our turns to die. Hope that there was a possible future and a purpose to keep going. I think he went out to find more reasons for me to live.”
“Wow,” she said softly.
“Yeah. Wow.”
I looked down the hall at the guest bathroom’s closed door.
“Did you tell him how that made you feel?” she asked.
“I told him he needed to shower so I could hug him.”
“Come on, Hannah. You can do better than that. Go make his day.”
I looked at Emily, a small smile curving my lips. Hadn’t I just admitted to myself that I had a little devil in me? It seemed my friend was just as bad.
“Fine, but you better beat down the door if you hear spankings and me screaming for help.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
I paused at the door, listened to the sound of the shower and splashing water, then let myself in. The splashing stopped.
“It’s just me,” I said. “Want company?”
I meant that I would sit in the bathroom with him while he showered; but as soon as I said it, I pictured both of us behind the flowered shower curtain.
Without overthinking what I was about to do, I pulled my shirt over my head, tossed my bra aside, and unzipped my pants. I hesitated at my underwear then decided I was being stupid and took those off as well. He’d been around me when I was naked countless times. Why worry about it now?
“Does silence mean a yes?” I asked. “In my world, silence doesn’t mean consent, so I really need you to say something.” I opened the curtain enough to peek in at him.
Merdon stood there, a grey-skinned god with rivulets of water running over his chiseled form. I may have drooled a little in the time it took my gaze to do a slow, head to toe sweep of him. The man was huge everywhere. And I meant, everywhere. My regard lingered on the thick length of