Less than an hour later, I was panting as I watched Brenna circle me. When Merdon said “fight,” I’d thought I’d be fighting him. No. Instead of the fey coming at us, they had us girls fighting each other. Even Angel got in on it, but she had special rules. Like no knocking her down because no one wanted her to go into labor yet.
“You know,” she said from the sidelines. “Add some jello and fewer clothes, and we could charge for this.”
My gaze flicked to the fey spectators who’d gathered and were currently cheering us on. That momentary distraction was all Brenna had been waiting for. She launched herself at me. As I fell back under her weight, I was already planning my move. Using the momentum, I kicked my legs up and tumbled us so she was on the bottom.
I snapped my teeth in her stunned face then grinned at her.
“You win,” she said. “Where’d you learn to do that?”
“I’ve been tossed around a lot these last few days.” I lowered my voice even though I knew all the fey would probably hear me anyway. “A glowing ass is motivation to learn.”
She cringed sympathetically.
As the loser, she stayed in the muddied circle and waited for Eden. I gratefully moved aside and rubbed my neck. While that move had done the trick, it sure did a number on my body.
Strong hands closed over my shoulders and began to rub. I almost groaned.
“Thank you,” I said, glancing back at Merdon.
He grunted.
“That was some pretty impressive work,” Nancy said from nearby.
Uan held her in his arms. The pair had arrived not long ago. I was sure word was still spreading about our training sessions, given the slow trickle of fey that continued to appear.
“Thanks. I’ve had a good teacher.”
She smiled and nodded.
“The fey sure know what they’re doing when it comes to infected and fighting. I’d like to talk to you if you have a minute.”
Something about the way she said that last sentence made me feel like I was about to get some really bad news.
“Uh, sure?”
I glanced back at Merdon, who seemed clueless as well.
Uan carried Nancy toward the road, and I followed. When I saw her chair ahead and a shoveled path down on the blacktop, leading away from where Nancy lived, I knew this walk had been premeditated. As soon as Uan had her comfortably resting in her chair, he jogged back to the circle of fey.
“Brenna’s told me what Merdon’s been doing,” Nancy said without preamble. “She doesn’t like it. And I agree. It doesn’t sound good. But sometimes we don’t need good. Sometimes, we need a wakeup call.”
She propelled herself forward, and I kept pace.
“The old me would have minded her own business, but times have changed. We’ve changed. There are less of us to watch out for one another. So, if what I have to say pisses you off, that’s fine. Tell me. But, I’d like you to hear me out.”
“Okay,” I said when she looked at me.
“I don’t know what Brenna’s said about what happened to me, but I know she told you I had an accident and I drank a lot because of it. That’s oversimplified. The accident took my ability to walk, but left me alive. Not everyone who was involved was so lucky. There was a young boy. He’d only been driving for a few months. A car hit me. I hit him. He died. I didn’t.
“People kept telling me that it wasn’t my fault. That there was nothing I could have done differently. But, fault doesn’t matter when it comes to survivor’s guilt. I couldn’t stop the what-ifs. What if I’d stayed home that day? What if I’d sent Russ out instead of me? Would he have been able to avoid what I hadn’t? What if I’d stopped at the store first? What if I’d let the lady go ahead of me at the post office? The questions about what I could have done or should have done differently don’t stop.”
“Ever?” I asked.
“They fade. They become less frequent, but I still think of them. Not so much about the accident now but about what happened to Russ and Brenna because of those men.”
She stopped moving and looked up at me.
“What you’re feeling is normal. It’s not easy. Some days it’ll feel like you’re tearing yourself up from the inside, but that’s normal. Let yourself feel it. It’s the only way to move