fight him? Yes, but not in the dumb basement. I hated basement time. Not only did it physically exhaust me, but all of the touching confused the hell out of me now. Yet, sitting in his lap would do the same.
I’d hesitated just a little too long because he started to rise. With a startled yip, I scrambled onto his lap. He grunted, probably in pain because I wasn’t being careful, then settled into the chair, wrapping his arms around me.
A shaky exhale escaped me the moment his hand stroked my hair.
“You’re safe,” he said again.
From infected? Yes. At least, I was for now. But was I safe from him?
Definitely not.
I woke in my own bed, alone in my room, well after dawn. Yawning, I forced myself to get up and brush my teeth. If I didn’t hurry, Brenna would likely show up at our door again.
Finding the energy to move any faster than a crawl was impossible, though.
Every time I’d tried to climb off of Merdon’s lap to return to my own bed during the night, he’d tightened his hold on me. I’d finally given in to sleep after hours of fighting it. And drifting off in Merdon’s arms had been sublime.
I was in so much trouble.
Finished in the bathroom, I threw on something warm and went downstairs. Emily was sitting at the island alone.
“Morning,” I said. “Where is Merdon?”
“He left.”
I let out a relieved sigh and sat next to her.
“Be easy on him,” she said. “He’s struggling too.”
I snorted.
“How exactly is he struggling? He’s always getting his way.”
She gave me a long look as she got up and went to the oven.
“He told me that he talked to you about how he feels.”
“Uh…that’s not how I recall last night’s conversation. He told me he wanted me but that he wouldn’t let me manipulate him.” I tiredly rubbed my hands over my face. “And that was after I started crying because I told him he should pick someone else. He’s told me repeatedly that the other fey don’t want me because I’m mean. It’s like he’s being stuck with me. I don’t want to be someone’s last resort. I want to be wanted for me as screwed up as I am.”
“You’re not screwed up, and you’re not mean. You’re dealing with a lot and just need a little help, time, and understanding. He’s giving all of that to you.”
I gave her the best what-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about look I could muster.
“He’s helping you stay sober and keeping you distracted. He wants you but isn’t acting on it because he knows you’re not ready. And even when you have a moment and lash out, he doesn’t get upset. He knows you’re hurting.”
I stared at her as something else clicked into place. Merdon wasn’t the only one giving me help, time, and understanding.
“So, is there any chance that you like him back?” she asked after a moment of silence.
“Do you really think it’s smart for me to like anyone when I still hate myself most days?”
“Yes. Because before Merdon, you hated yourself every second of every day. Now, there are moments I see the real you showing through. The girl before the quakes. If Merdon’s the reason for that change, hang on to him and don’t let go.”
I looked down at the plate she set before me.
“You didn’t know me before the quakes.”
“No, but I’m guessing that back then, you didn’t walk around with a haunted look in your eyes while you tried to hide behind a beautiful smile. In these last few days, you’ve changed. A lot. When you smile now, it’s real. And I’m positive that’s who you used to be.”
I took my first bite of the homemade cinnamon roll and almost died.
“Screw Merdon. Marry me, Emily. Be my bwife.”
“Bwife?”
“Baking wife. You’re too talented for your own good. Some fey is going to take a bite from the wrong dish, and you’ll be hidden away in some house, feeding him all day long.”
She giggled.
“Unless I start serving raw meat, I doubt I’m in danger. But because you’re so sweet, here. You get a second one.”
I inhaled every last gooey crumb then licked the plate, which she quickly grabbed from me.
“That’s gross. Go grab your bow and get out of here.”
I grinned, sucking the sweet residue off my fingers as I left the counter.
“Please wash your hands before you touch that pretty bow.”
“Yes, Mom.”
She grinned at me, and I scrubbed away the gooeyness before grabbing my hand-carved bow and headed out the door