at Ran’s features again and he shakes his head softly. “No, Maggie. We can’t.”
“I thought you said you wanted new memories to replace the old, Ran,” I say, trying to shake the notion that I’m being denied, but I can’t help but feel the sting of it. Why am I not good enough for him? Why doesn’t he want me the way I want him? Or at least the way I know he wanted all those other girls in the past?
“That’s exactly what I am doing.” Ran presses a kiss at the shell of my ear and he slides my hair around the curve of it. “Just being here with you like this has already replaced every single memory I’ve had with any other girl. It’s only you now.”
If he hadn’t wanted me to kiss him, he shouldn’t have said that last statement, because it takes everything in me—literally everything—to keep from ambushing Ran at this moment. I bind my arms around him tighter, push myself up to him, and beg for the kiss I know isn’t going to happen, because he’s right, it wouldn’t end with just a kiss. And knowing that he wants things to be different between us, it wouldn’t be fair to tempt him that way—to push him to the limit and then expect him to stop there.
“I lied to you earlier.” It’s not at all what I anticipate him saying and my head spins in confusion when he says it.
“Oh?”
“When I said I was falling for you.” He lifts up just enough so we’re face to face, so he’s looking right into my eyes, and then he unexpectedly drops down and presses his mouth onto my mouth, his warm lips spreading across mine for the briefest moment before he draws back and says, “I lied because I’m not falling for you, Maggie. I already fell.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“I can’t do this. I’m absolutely terrified.” The wind slices into me and I can’t control the shivering that has racked my entire body.
“Yes, you can.” Ran bends his face closer to mine and his eyes stare out at me through orange-tinted goggles. “And I wish you would stop saying how terrifying I am. It’s going to give me a complex.”
“I’m serious, Ran. I can’t do this.” My lunch swims in my stomach and I’m pretty sure it’s about to make an encore performance in front of everyone in the line behind me. I burp and Ran glances my direction.
“Are you going to throw up?” He laughs at me, which makes everything so much worse. So much worse because he’s not even acknowledging that I have the right to be absolutely terrified by this.
“I think so, maybe.” My throat burns.
“Well,” he winks, “try not to get any on those pants since we rented them. They’re more expensive than they look. That’s a pretty decent brand.”
“Really? You mean this ridiculous outfit that makes me look like the Pillsbury Dough Boy is actually something people would pay money for?” I waddle forward in our line, feeling like I’m wearing moonboots and am covered in twenty layers of bubble wrap.
“I think you look adorable,” Ran smirks, pressing his finger into my stomach. I don’t giggle like that stupid Dough Boy does and instead slug him in the gut, but my hands are hidden under large gloves and there is absolutely no way he could have even felt that. “Come on pokey, we gotta move forward.”
The line for the chair lift is moving quickly, and with each chair that scoops up another pair of people to carry them up the hill, I feel that lunch getting closer and closer to debut time.
“So what are you afraid of exactly?” Ran pushes at my back and I shuffle forward. He’s got both of our snowboards in his other arm and is able to move effortlessly in the snow while I feel like I’m some baby penguin that is just learning how to walk.
“Let’s see. Falling to my death from the lift is the first one.” I hold up a chubby gloved finger. “Sliding to my death is another.” I lift up finger number two. “And tumbling to my death is the third.” I’ve got three fingers held up in front of Ran’s face. “Oh, wait. Don’t forget freezing to death. Number four.”
“The only thing I’m worried about is laughing to death during all of those scenarios.”
“That’s not nice, Ran. I told you I hate the cold. I hate the snow. It is both cold and snowy