from James and the Offering to being stuck in the battle yesterday to having to do Raevald’s bidding and, worse, pretending like I revel in it.
I cry.
I don’t want to cry but I need to, and she’s the only one I’ll ever feel safe enough around. I can’t be vulnerable like this. Not around anyone else.
She wraps her arms around me. Holds me close until I take a deep breath, scrub my eyes with my hands.
Her stare intense but concerned, non-scrutinizing, Veda takes my hand in hers. “Nico—you need to know it’s not your doing. This is Raevald. All him. You did not make that call about James, and you did not order that battle.”
I swallow hard. “No … I know…,” I say, not completely convinced, but more open to the possibility than I was before. “Thank you.”
She leans in, rests her head on my chest.
There’s a long silence between us. It’s not uncomfortable. Quite the opposite. We hold each other. Veda runs her finger back and forth over the top of my hand as I breathe her in. Think about how much I’m already dreading this night ending.
Finally, she looks up at me. “Dorian told you everything while you were in the Lower?” Veda raises her eyebrows, blows the hair out of her eyes. I can’t help the smile dancing on my lips, and I can’t help how much I long to be closer to her. So close I can taste the sea salt of her skin.
But I force myself to nod because she’s waiting for a response. “Yes, he told me everything. The Sindaco, the Lunalette legend, that I’m illegally doing your job as heir … He didn’t sugarcoat anything.” We share a mutual smile, and she goes to worrying her bottom lip as she thinks.
“When I returned, I confronted the Sindaco and we struck a deal: I keep up the Lunalette charade for the good of the Night and their morale, and he makes me second-in-command.”
“Really…”
“Yeah, but somehow I still feel he’s only placating me to get what he wants. I’m still not sure I have a whole lot more say.”
“Like father, like son?”
“Exactly. But it’s strange. He’s sort of … absent.”
“Absent?”
“He’s been developing a top-secret weapon to use against the Imperi. But, Nico, I’m worried it’s going to do more harm to the Lower than anything if it goes off by accident.”
“Can you get to it? Dismantle it somehow?”
“I’m going to try. Dorian seems just as concerned, and if we can work together…”
“If?” I ask.
“Oh … right. Before I came here tonight I told him it had to be over between the two of us.” She breathes deep. “I’m not sure he’ll be up for looking at my face anytime soon.”
A warm ball of jealousy forms in my gut. One that questions what she and Dorian have been up to that warranted Veda telling him it’s over. Then, Sun help me, I force it all out of my mind. Now is not the time.
She’s here with you, Nico.
She’s here with you.
Veda’s staring at the busy design of the settee, tracing the lines with her fingers. “Do you ever wonder how in the world we ended up here?” Her eyes find mine.
“Here. As in…?”
“Here—” She motions to the room. “There—” to the Lower. “This—” She waves back and forth through the small space between us.
“Only every day. It’s like reality turned at the flip of a coin.” Which reminds me … “I have to show you something.”
She only stares. “Okay.”
I stand, kneel down next to my bed, and dig the bag of medallions out from under my mattress. Walk back to the settee and kneel before her. “I found this—” I say, dumping several of the medallions onto the seat.
“What the—” She stares back and forth between the coins and me. “Where did you get these? They’re sacred.”
“I found them. Hidden here in the palace down in the cellar inside a large vase. Veda, there’s tons more.”
She’s shaking her head. “And the names?”
I say the words I know she doesn’t want to hear. “The names of the missing Basso. The same from the list I sent you. Even more not on the list.”
Veda’s eyes brim with tears as she stares down at the medallions. She squeezes her fingers around them, then looks back up at me. “What’re we going to do?”
“Well, it’s not like I can simply stand in the market piazza, dump them on the ground, and announce the truth.”
She leans forward so her elbows rest