Defect - By Ryann Kerekes Page 0,82

heaviness in my chest would be a welcome reprieve. “Kai…” my whisper dies on my lips.

“Let me try.” His eyes move to my lips and he leans in closer. I don’t move, I don’t resist, I just let him touch his lips to mine.

The kiss is soft, gentle and his breath is warm against my lips. He moves his mouth against mine and I open for him, letting him taste, letting him try. His kiss is effective at distracting me, if only momentarily, because seconds later, guilt floods my system and I pull away. “Kai.”

Startled blue eyes meet mine.

“Can you just lay with me?” I ask.

He nods, blows out the candle burning beside my bed and wraps me in his arms.

Chapter 32

In the morning, the smell of frying bacon wakes me. I slept well with Kai in my bed last night, and I don’t want to examine that little fact, so I stretch and climb out of bed, letting my nose guide me. We both went to bed without dinner last night, and it seems Kai’s stomach has woken him early too.

Kai is standing shirtless at the kitchen table, sliding strips of thick-cut cured bacon onto two plates, but stops when he sees me. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“You hungry?” he asks.

I nod and sit down, letting him fix my plate. He often tries to give me more food than he gives himself, and complains about how I don’t eat enough. But today he’s given us each one lumpy biscuit and an equal number of bacon strips. A mug of hot water steams beside my plate and he adds a pinch of herbs. “Thanks,” I mumble and begin eating.

Kai throws a shirt on over his head before joining me at the table and we eat in silence. In the harsh light of the morning, I know it wasn’t a good idea to let him kiss me. But I also know I probably wouldn’t stop it if it happened again.

I take a sip of the weak tea, which Kai has prepared just how I like. It’s impossible not to see the parallel between how I once relied on Will and now rely on Kai. He has skills that I use to meet my needs, which I know sounds terrible. Dark questions stir inside me – is that all I had with Will too? Will taught me, took care of me and helped me. That’s what Kai’s doing now. I watch him eat and cast an occasional smile or glance my way.

I pick at my food. I’m not sure if I’m a monster, incapable of love, only using those around me for my own needs, but the thought is sobering. And the jagged scar on my wrist is a constant reminder of both Will and Kai. One boy cut me open, the other boy stitched me up. I wish I could rely on myself, take care of myself and not get involved, but Kai is persistent and very kind. And living in his house makes it impossible to ignore that he has feelings for me. I see the desire radiating in his eyes, the care in his gentle touches, the concern in his words and of course the unspoken compassion he provides in meals, shelter, and clothing. It’s a lot to digest.

That night we learn there is to be a village-wide meeting in the town’s center. It’s a semi-regular occurrence, but this will be my first time attending. The springtime air is chilly after dark and after my bath, I dress in the sweater Kai got me. It fits perfect and smells clean. When he sees me emerge from my room, he stops and watches me approach.

“It fits,” he murmurs.

I nod.

“Come here.”

I walk directly into Kai’s arms and let him pull me to his chest in a firm hug. Now that I’ve let myself cross the physical barrier with him, I seem to crave the contact, the closeness his arms can provide. Kai sighs contentedly, gives me a final squeeze, then releases me. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

We slip on our shoes and make the trek to the center of town. A large bonfire burns in the pit and people stand around talking quietly. I’m happy to see Fern and Eli chasing around an energetic Elliott. But rather than going to talk to them with Kai, I drift over towards Sage, who’s sitting alone on a bench near the fire. I feel more of an alliance to her than anyone else here. She took me in and