Defect - By Ryann Kerekes Page 0,77

loss of Will wasn’t something I was ready to accept.

A million horrible scenarios had played through my mind – Will lost in the woods trying to find me, or being executed at the compound, or injured and starving on his way to me – so instead of focusing on what became of him, why he’s not here with me now, I focus on the memories we share. His strong, knowing hands as he taught me to protect myself, his callused hands softly moving over my skin, the way his damp kisses stole my breath and pierced my heart. And when I remember that side of Will, I remember my strength. The strength I summoned to compete against the other recruits, and fought my way through the physical challenges. It seems like such a long time ago.

My first several days I held onto hope that Will was still coming, but the days turned into a week, then two weeks. It became too painful to hope, and I let that last tiny bit of hope shrivel and die inside me. It was time to stop pretending. It was time to get out of Sage’s bed.

Will and Rena had risked everything to get me to safety and I know this is a gift I cannot waste. I want to honor their sacrifice, to honor Will by living.

For someone I’d been living with, I knew surprisingly little about Sage. She was quiet, aside from her humming, which was constant. She often sat by the window knitting, and during Kai’s visits she maintained a friendly, yet no nonsense banter with him. He’d give me a knowing smile or roll his eyes, like we were sharing some secret. But I never talked to him more than necessary. More than providing simple answers to his questions about my injuries or how I was feeling. I hated the softness in his eyes, the pity for the poor, broken girl I appeared to be.

This morning, Sage is sitting by the window sipping from a steaming mug with a broken handle. As if she senses me watching her, she turns in my direction. She stares back, blinking a few times but not speaking. I know it’s only a matter of time before Sage’s hospitality and patience wear away. Unwilling to deal with any of that just now, I close my eyes again and slip off to sleep.

***

I’m not ready to open my eyes yet. I’m having another dream of Will. But the blankets are pulled from my legs, leaving me exposed in the chilly early morning air.

“Kai will be here in a little bit.” Sage neatly folds the blanket down at the end of the bed so I won’t want to mess it up by pulling it back over me. This is Sage’s way of telling me it’s time to get up. There’ve been many times over the past two weeks that I’ve been equal parts grateful and resentful of her. Though she’s cared for me and fed me, she’s never babied me. Some would call it tough love. I think it’s just her personality though.

Kai has come nearly every day to see me. His piercing blue eyes and big smile complete with dimples ooze kindness. But his appearances irritate me. He fawns over me too much, acts too kind, tends to my wounds with a gentleness I don’t deserve. I want to hurt on the outside as bad as I hurt on the inside. The hole ripping me in two isn’t something that can be fixed. A broken heart can’t be nursed back to health. Can it?

Sage’s gruff demeanor softens when Kai is in her home. She pulls a stool over to the bed for him, brings him tea and asks him endless questions. None of them are about me.

A dull knock on the door sends Sage leaping from her chair. I manage to sit up on the bed and straighten my clothes as Kai steps into view. His eyes are on me, even as he politely nods to Sage and answers her questions.

Kai, with his longish sandy blonde hair that hangs in his bright blue eyes, couldn’t be more different from Will’s dark eyes and hardened features. Even that my brain notes this comparison to Will annoys me.

Sage stands over the bed where I’m sitting. “There’s nothing wrong with you anymore. Go on and let Kai show you around today.”

Her words shouldn’t stun me, yet they do. Kai’s eyes flash to mine, seeking, before he responds to Sage’s