mean. I’m afraid of what losing you would feel like. I’m afraid of feeling anything.”
His thumb caresses my lips, quieting me. I’m not sure when it happened, but tears are rolling down my cheeks. Will wipes them away. But he’s still waiting, still looking at me, forcing me to be brave and put in words what I want.
Why is this harder for me than all the training? It requires more courage, more faith than I think I’m made of. I pull in a deep breath. “Come with me,” I whisper. I wipe my eyes and look at him. “Into the wilderness, come with me, Will. We can make a new life together, just the two of us.” I don’t want to get my hopes up, but my brain springs into action, imagining us collecting chestnuts in the woods, taking care of each other, finding comfort in each other’s arms in a place far, far away from here. Could something like that even be possible? I hold my breath, waiting for a response.
Will looks at me thoughtfully, taking his time. He doesn’t answer; he just leans forward to kiss me. It’s soft at first, but soon turns frantic. He kisses my cheeks, kissing away my tears, and moves to my throat, tangling his hands in my hair, breathing against my neck. “Yes. Yes, Eve. I’ll come,” he whispers. “I’ll come.”
Chapter 25
I sit with Alex at breakfast. The cafeteria is abuzz with the new challenge we’ll compete in tomorrow. It’s described as an obstacle course on crack. We’re promised bigger obstacles than we’ve ever seen before. My stomach twists. I know this is where they’ll do away with me. I wonder what type of accident they have planned.
Sam and Jake were taken away and assigned early this morning. I hope they are somewhere together. I’m not surprised they were taken away today, since I know what they’re planning to do to me tomorrow. Only they don’t know that I’m planning to be far from here by then. I’m filled with so much excitement, fear and hope it makes my stomach cramp.
The day passes by agonizingly slowly, and I do the bare minimum in training, trying to preserve my strength for tonight. Then suddenly, the day is over, and I’m going through the motions at dinner with Alex. He knows something’s up with me, but thankfully he doesn’t ask any questions. I can barely look at the food on my plate without feeling sick. I’m a bundle of nerves, but I do my best to force the food into my mouth. I chew, swallow and repeat, taking shallow breaths through my nose. The clock on the wall seems to bear down on me; it’s ticking much louder than it should be.
Without Sam here, I have nothing in the bunker or dorm to distract me. I shower and go straight to bed, thinking maybe I can squeeze a little sleep in before – but it’s impossible. I lay in bed, staring straight up at the ceiling. I lift my arm and inspect the chip in my wrist. I run my fingers over the hard nodule, and realize – with horror – this thing will have to come out. I scratch at my wrist, wondering what Will has planned for me.
After an agonizing wait, Rena comes for me again. I recognize her footsteps this time. Neither of us speaks as I follow her from the room. Instead of taking me to her or Will’s room, she brings me to a supply closet near the gym, not far from the door to outside.
We enter the small room, and Will’s already inside. He’s arranging supplies on a small table. My heart stops when I see what they are. There’s a scalpel, antiseptic and bandages. My fingers instantly go to the chip on the inside of my wrist. I clutch my fingers around my wrist, protecting it.
Will stops what he’s doing and turns to me. “Rena, leave us,” he says, his eyes on me. She nods and backs out the door.
I stand in front of Will. We just look at each other for several long minutes. I don’t want to move yet. I don’t even want to talk. If we can just stay here like this for a few minutes more, maybe I can pretend that none of the other stuff is about to happen.
Will closes his eyes, and I notice his hands are balled into fists. When he opens them a second later, I can tell he’s