Finally, my hand rested over his heart. “It’s beating so fast,” I whispered.
“You’re trying to leave me,” Tanner bit, and yanked at his arms. “You can’t fucking leave me, baby. Please . . .” When Tanner’s voice grew hoarse with emotion, it ruined me. But I kept pushing through. My eyes misted and blurred my vision. But I didn’t fight it. With every word spoken, I was losing a piece of my soul. I doubted any of it would be with me when I left.
Tanner would own it all. As I wished.
I cupped his face and made sure he met my eyes. I pushed past the agony I saw reflected in their depths, to say, “I dream that one day, in another life, we might find one another again.” Tanner’s face contorted with pain. I stroked the lines from his forehead.
“Lita . . .”
“I dream that we meet each other in some distant future and recognize one another’s souls. And we’ll be found.” I envisioned the scene in my head. “Just you and me. No prejudices or hatred would be a part of our lives. No one would disagree with our union. Culture or skin color would not even be a factor.” I smiled. “You would simply love me, and I would simply love you.” I felt like I could physically feel my heart tearing into shreds as I shared my hopes. “But this life doesn’t hold that dream for us, mi amor.” I shook my head. “It has always been a fight.” I dropped my forehead to his and watched as a tear fell from the corner of his eye. I couldn’t bear the sight. I couldn’t bear to see this strong man, the man I loved with my entire heart, so hurt. “It has to be this way, baby. I must stop the pain. I have to try to make things better for everyone.”
Tanner pulled back. “No!” he bit and thrashed on the bed. I saw the cable tie on his left hand strain. “If you go back to Mexico, they’ll fucking kill you!” He spoke fast. Urgently. “Diego won’t forgive you for running back to me at the exchange. Your father will kill you for being with me, period. It isn’t safe, baby.” He sucked in a breath. “It’s a fucking suicide mission. You’re going back to die.”
I knew that. I was prepared for it . . . but there was no other way. Tanner must have seen the resolution in my face because he roared, “No! I won’t let you go! I’ll come after you. You won’t make it anywhere close to Mexico.” I lifted the needle, and Tanner’s face paled. “Lita, no . . . no, baby . . . do not fucking do this!” His voice cut off and he lost all strength. “I can’t . . . I can’t fucking do this without you.” His head shook. “This life . . . all this freedom . . . it means fuck all if I don’t have you.”
I leaned down and kissed his forehead. “You will live, Tanner Ayers. You are strong, and you will love again.”
Tanner fought so hard against the restraints, I worried I had left things too late. Taking the needle, I pushed it into his neck and saw him immediately weaken. His blue eyes locked on mine as I saw him fighting against the pull of the drug. It was the one Edge had used on me when they took me from Mexico.
Cupping Tanner’s face, I kissed him on the lips and said, “I do not regret a thing. Not a single thing. If I knew all I would get in a lifetime were these few stolen moments with you, I would take the pain and hurt all over again. I’d do it over and over, and over again.”
Tanner made a pained noise, but his eyes started to close. I stayed with him, stroking his cheek until he was out. A pained sob slipped from my throat. I let the devastation consume me for a few minutes, until I pulled myself together. Leaving the room, I walked out into the night air. I heard the men in the bar, drunk and lost to mourning a fallen brother. I had counted on them being inebriated.
Walking to the forest that surrounded the compound like a shield, I sank into the depth of the trees and was quickly lost from view by the thick covering of foliage. I followed the dirt path