I told him the truth, Elisabeta. It was the most difficult thing I can recall ever doing, Julija confessed in a little rush. I’m so glad I have you to talk things over with. Just telling him made me feel so sick, once he left, I had to vomit. It was that bad. I was terrified he would look at me and feel disgusted. When I look in the mirror, that’s how I feel.
There was a small silence and Julija held her breath. Elisabeta flowed into her mind, stronger than Julija had ever experienced with her before. Maybe Isai was right and Elisabeta needed someone to want her help.
I assume you told Isai why you are afraid to trust him with your heart.
I did. He’s been good to me other than the, you know . . . spanking thing. That was annoying. And it did hurt whether he thinks so or not. He’s strong.
Mostly it hurt your pride.
Wouldn’t it yours? Julija demanded.
I would have welcomed a spanking, sister. Sergey was very cruel.
Julija was silent for a long time, gathering her courage. In comparison to what Elisabeta had been put through, she felt her horrible experiences didn’t count, but Isai had told her perhaps not only did she need to tell Elisabeta the details, but her friend really did need to be needed. Already she could feel that was so.
Elisabeta was silent, waiting for her to decide. Elisabeta never pushed. Never insisted. In the end, because there was no one demanding, because she had to make the decision, Julija told her everything. The horrifying details that shamed her. The revulsion of being made a subject in Barnabas’s classes for others to see. How the torture worsened when she refused to comply and kill someone.
There were times when the spells burned her from the inside out and she couldn’t distance herself from what was happening to her. Those times she feared the most, feared she would give in and harm an innocent. Once, they tried to convince her that she had, and, although she was certain they were lying to her, there was a part of her that feared it might have happened. That was the worst, to think she could have sacrificed another being in order to stop her own suffering.
Julija didn’t realize she was weeping until she felt Elisabeta surround her with comfort.
Most of those living on earth are made up of balances. Good and evil. Or dark and light. When my lifemate was born, his soul was split in half and he ended up with all darkness, his and mine, while I received his light to safeguard. I had my own light as well. He became a hunter of the vampire. I am incapable of becoming vampire. As are you. There is no way you would have killed an innocent, Julija. It would be impossible.
I feel like I could kill those coming after the book, Julija admitted.
That is different. Those hunting the book are not innocent. Their intentions are to harm others, and the book will allow them to do that. You might protect yourself or those you love, but you wouldn’t just kill indiscriminately. Once you allow your lifemate to claim you, the balance is restored. In any case, until your lifemate claims you, it will be difficult.
Julija didn’t like that at all. She needed to be able to defend herself and to help Isai. Are you really going to allow your lifemate to claim you? Are you that certain that he will make you happy?
I am that certain that I can make him happy if he gives me time. Lifemates will always give their other half what they need.
Julija didn’t think Elisabeta sounded as sure as she wanted to sound. She was every bit as frightened of her future as Julija was. I kind of like him, she admitted reluctantly, but it could be just because he’s the nicest anyone other than you has been to me.
You do? Elisabeta encouraged.
He’s pretty hot as men go. I hope your lifemate is hot for you.
What is “hot”?
Attractive. You can’t resist him physically. Gorgeous.
Amusement flooded her mind. That felt good. Elisabeta didn’t often portray laughter to her.
Of course I will find him attractive—um—hot. He is my lifemate. There is no other for me—or for you. Should Isai not claim you, you will never be satisfied with another, Julija.
Sadly, Julija was afraid Elisabeta was right. She was beginning to look forward to his return far more than