“Yes. But you are unwilling to take that chance. Now that I know why, at least I have understanding.”
He wasn’t certain if that was completely true or not. He wanted it to be. He wanted to do whatever she needed him to do without regret. He was her lifemate and if she absolutely could not stand the idea of it, then he didn’t want to force her. They wouldn’t work. Some men claimed their women, and he knew they did so because, deep down, their women needed them to. Julija had to make up her own mind. That was as important to him as it was to her.
There was a long silence. He could hear her heart beating a little too fast. Had he already claimed her, he would have immediately corrected that and soothed her. She was upset, and embarrassed, two emotions she didn’t need to ever have around him.
“I don’t know what to think anymore.” There was honesty in her voice. “You’re very different than I expected. I was terrified of becoming a lifemate to a Carpathian, now I don’t know what to think.”
“Terrified?” There had been genuine fear in her voice even when she’d said the word. That seemed abnormal for her. Julija wasn’t a woman too many things terrified. “You studied the Carpathian species?”
“Yes, it was a requirement. My father wanted me to know everything about the species.”
“Since there are no books on us, how were you informed?”
“We had instructors for our classes. The Carpathian class was taught by my stepmother’s brother . . .” She trailed off as he kept looking at her. Her gaze shifted away from his. “So the Carpathians wiping out the mages never really happened? According to the class I took, that was the reason Xavier began to fight back. He had thought they were his friends.”
“It never happened, Julija. Is this class taught to all mages?”
“I have no idea. I was privately tutored.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “My brothers were supposed to take the class, but they didn’t, and they weren’t in trouble for it. I tried to skip out once and my father was furious. I was punished for a couple of weeks.”
“How long was this class?”
“Just a couple of weeks, which I thought was strange, even at the time.” She shook her head and looked straight into his eyes, realizing the truth. “It was fake, wasn’t it? At least fake mixed with truth. Had it all been fake I would have known. I was impressionable at the time and was still trying to figure out why my father was so harsh with me.”
“He knew you were Dragonseeker. He knew what that meant. He wanted to find ways to turn you against the Carpathian people. He knew you were growing powerful as a mage and the longer you lived, the more your Carpathian blood would call to you.”
“They all fed off me.” She held up her arms for him to see. “Once when he was very angry with me he told me I had been bred just to sustain his life and if I wasn’t giving him my blood, I was useless to him.”
“How were you fed blood? You must have needed it?”
“I was trying not to use it and that was what made him angry all the time. I didn’t like that if I didn’t have it, I grew weak. I prefer the night and sometimes, when I was hurt, after he beat me, I would lie in the yard, in the dirt. It soothed my body. Once, my brothers caught me and they told him. He was furious. He said I was acting like a traitor and he would bury me alive if he ever caught me doing such a thing again.”
She wrapped her arms around her middle, shuddering with memories pouring in.
“Your father is an ass,” Isai declared in hope of making her laugh.
He didn’t get a laugh, but he did get a faint smile.
“I suppose you could call him that, although it’s mild.”
“Julija, we need to get moving to find Iulian and the book. I have to feed again. It will not take me long. You will be safe here while I am out hunting. Are you comfortable with that?”
She nodded. “I can clean up while you’re gone.”
“When I return, you’ll need to feed, you know that, don’t you? To keep your strength up.” He kept his gaze fixed on her face, reading her every emotion.