voice could charm the birds out of the trees. He slept with several of his female students in other classes.”
“But not you. You he singled out as special. He became your friend.”
She nodded and stepped away from him, twisting her fingers together. “Yes. For weeks. I was comfortable with him, and I let my guard down. It wasn’t very smart of me. I’d already learned from being in my family not to trust anyone, but I still did.”
Isai didn’t like her retreating from him. He noticed both Belle and Phaedra pushed close to her. He’d been keeping an eye on the little cats and Sable lifted her head and took three small steps toward Julija as well. She stopped, her gaze darting around and her body almost folding in on itself as if expecting any moment to be struck.
Julija had noticed as well. She dropped to a crouch and held out her hand for the smaller cat to join the circle of females. Isai stilled. Waited. He noticed both Blue and Comet had gone on high alert and he was grateful to the shadow cats.
Sable edged forward and then stopped just out of reach, stretching her neck as far as she could in order to sniff suspiciously at Julija’s hand. Once the cat had scented her, Julija dropped her hand into Phaedra’s fur, stroking little caresses there and ignoring the smaller cat.
“It’s difficult to think about Barnabas. It was a terrible period in my life. Painful both emotionally and physically.”
“Why did he stop?”
She sank back on her heels. “I’m ashamed to tell you, I did actually try to commit suicide. I couldn’t see a way out. My world felt hopeless.”
Isai froze. It was the last thing he expected her to say. “Julija,” he whispered. “You would have left this world and I would never have known you.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Despair. Hopelessness. It can creep up on you. Devour you. I felt I was utterly worthless. I hated myself and what was happening to me. I couldn’t sleep. It just all became a vicious circle. I couldn’t eat, or feed. I just didn’t see a way out. I felt so alone.”
She ducked her head, so he couldn’t see her face. “When I realized the endless centuries you’d endured, Isai, I was ashamed that I hadn’t handled my trial with more grace.”
“Do not ever say that, Julija,” he decreed. “Not ever again. Depression is very real. I could not feel, so in many ways, I had a huge advantage. I joined the brethren, so I was surrounded by others who believed as I did. I had knowledge of a lifemate and I held on to that belief, that someday I would find you.”
“I came so close to missing out on you,” she whispered and looked up at him.
Sorrow. It was there, and it struck at him. He felt that heavy emotion through her. It seemed to swamp him. Before he could decide whether to hold her or allow the cats to comfort her while they continued the conversation, Sable made up her mind and moved in to press against her. Julija was careful to caress her fur gently, murmuring her gratitude for the caring. She glanced at him triumphantly.
Isai smiled back. “You were afraid Barnabas would trick you and provide a false lifemate for you.”
“He was furious to lose me. My father insisted he leave me alone after the . . . um . . . second time it happened. He didn’t want to lose out on his blood supply.” She tried not to sound bitter.
Isai studied her face. “But Barnabas did not obey that dictate, did he?”
She sighed and sank her fingers into the fur of the littlest cat. It was still fairly sparse. She gently rubbed over the old scars that could still be seen on Sable’s back. “No. He whispered to me at night or when no one was around. Telling me I missed him. I couldn’t live without him and that I would come to him and beg him for more. Only he could give me what I needed.”
He didn’t like the shame or guilt in her voice. “You realize he was weaving a spell.”
“I was too messed up in the beginning. I was terrified he might be right. You have to remember, that spell to make me want sex raged through me.”
“Did you try to counter it?”
“Yes. I honestly don’t know which one of them cast that spell. Anatolie, Crina or Barnabas. One of them did.