don’t want it. I don’t want anything.
My stomach might be complaining from the lack of food, but I can’t eat when I’m worried and afraid. I can’t eat anything until I know what’s going to happen to me.
I barely slept. I don’t know how I was supposed to with all that’s happened in the mere twenty-four hours that have passed.
I had sex with Tristan, I’m still wearing this piece of shit gown, my ass hurts from being spanked, and my left wrist is cuffed to the rail on the window. There was no way I would have been able to sleep properly.
Jesus Christ… I can’t believe it all.
It’s all bad, but I’m still stuck on the fact I had sex with him. I’m mortified at myself and disgusted I never even put up a fucking fight. Not to mention that we didn’t use protection. I guess I should be grateful my father stuck me on the contraceptive injection. It’s one of those types that last for a few years.
I didn’t even think about that yesterday as Tristan pounded into me.
I just allowed desire to take me, as if that’s an actual excuse. It’s not acceptable and makes me look weak.
At the same time, I have to acknowledge the weakness only existed because I did like him. I wasn’t just attracted to him when we met, I liked him.
Desire rekindled those feelings. That’s what it was. With those emotions present, it wasn’t hard for desire to take over and screw with me. Screwing me over.
It won’t happen again. I won’t allow it to. Our little crazy sexual stint yesterday doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter how real it felt or how he looked at me. It doesn’t even matter his actions prior to getting to this damn island might have been real. What matters is I’m here.
I’m still here, caught in a trap, and everything he did was still a trick to lure me. That will never change. So, he doesn’t deserve any credit whatsoever. He’s still a bastard. He’s still my captor. He still kidnapped me.
Right now, I have to assume every moment I’m alive is a blessing. It means he’s keeping me alive because he still thinks he can get what he wants from me—my father’s location.
I won’t hold out on hope and think he won’t kill me. I’ve long since learned not to hope or see any light in others when there is none.
I need to escape. That is all I know right now.
As to how or when I’ll be able to do it… Well, that’s the hard part. The part that’s a mystery to me. I’m locked in this room and the only ways out are through the door and off the side of the balcony. As in into the sea. That is not an option.
I’m a strong swimmer but even I know I’d never survive if I decided to take on the sea. The waters I can see outside are dangerous and a warning in itself not to contemplate going in them. It certainly won’t end with the escape I’d be hoping for.
That’s exactly why I’m in this room. Tristan knows I can’t swim away from him and he knows I wouldn’t be foolish enough to try it.
That means my focus has to be on getting through that door. Only that. Not anything else. The fear of never being free again will guide me.
This is an island so there must be a boat or something Tristan used to get here. There will be a way off. I just have to be able to find it.
If I make it out of this, then I owe it to myself to be free of everything else too. Everything meaning my father.
Tristan confirmed my suspicions when he said the devil took everything from him and he had to be worse. My father must have killed someone for him and now I’m here cuffed to a wall suffering for it.
The thing to pay attention to is Tristan isn’t going to be the only person my father harmed in that way. Even if Dad finds a way to get me out of this situation, someone else will come for me because I’m his daughter.
So, if I get out, I’ll run to the edge of the earth to escape everyone.
The only person who has shown me mercy is Sacha, and I’m sure I’ve killed him. This is the second day I’ve been missing, even if they thought I escaped he’ll get the blame no