breathed, looking into Raze’s eyes. “Take me, Raze. Dios, I…I want you so much.”
“Gods, Lucia, I want you too,” he rasped. And then he did the last thing Luci would have expected.
He pushed her off his lap and put his head in his hands.
Ten
Raze took deep breaths, trying to get hold of himself. How could he have let things go so far, when he knew he couldn’t take them to their logical conclusion? When he knew he couldn’t bond Lucia to him?
It was just that he wanted her so damn badly. But this wasn’t fair to her. It wasn’t right to lead Lucia on when he knew damn well he couldn’t give her what she deserved.
“Raze?” she asked and there was a quiver in her voice. “Rave, what’s wrong? Did I spoil everything?”
Raze realized he’d been trapped in his own miserable thoughts too long. It was time to give her an explanation of his limitations—which was something he’d been dreading.
“No, Lucia.” He made himself sit up, though he still wanted to hide his face in shame. “You didn’t ruin everything,” he told her. “I did.”
“I don’t understand.” She shook her head. “Is it…were we moving too fast? Does your culture not…not do what we just did until they get married or something? Not that I’m expecting you to marry me,” she added hastily. “I mean, that would be crazy of me since we’ve only known each other two weeks. I mean—”
“Lucia…” Rave looked her in the eyes. “I have known from the first night I met you that I wanted to Join with you—wanted to marry you, as you humans say.”
“Really?” Her eyes widened hopefully. “You really mean that?”
“Of course I do.” Raze gazed at her intently. “But unfortunately, I can’t. Can’t give you what you need—what you deserve.”
Her face fell.
“It’s all the baggage I have, isn’t it?” she asked dully. “I don’t blame you. Nobody wants a single mom with three kids already. That’s too much to ask any man to take on.”
“I would gladly take them on, if I could,” Raze said fiercely. “I adore your children, Lucia—and your mother and your pets,” he added, before she could blame his own failure on herself again. “But I can’t Join with you, no matter how much I love you and your family.”
She shook her head.
“But…why?”
Raze drew a deep breath.
“Because I’m a hybrid,” he said harshly. “A mutt—a blending of two branches of the Kindred tree. And my kind can’t form a bond.”
“A bond?” Lucia shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
“No…” Raze sighed and ran a hand over his head. “I guess you wouldn’t, since humans don’t bond. But it’s very important for Kindred. When a Kindred warrior finds the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, he bonds her to him—forges a soul-connection that ties them together forever.” He shook his head. “I can’t give you that, Lucia—can’t offer you the most basic, vital piece of a Kindred relationship. I’ll never be able to.”
“But…but what if I don’t care about the bond?” Lucia protested. “What if I just want to be with you?”
Raze was aware of what it must cost her to lay her heart on the line like this and it broke his own heart to refuse what she was offering him—what he wanted so badly. But he knew he had to.
“You say you don’t care now,” he told her darkly. “But you would. Once you met other Kindred and their mates and saw what they have—the level of communication they can achieve that we never would—you would hate me for denying it to you.”
“Communication? But…but we talked all night the other night,” she protested. “About everything. I never had that with Tony. He never gave a damn what I was thinking or feeling. Not like you, Raze.”
“Try to understand…” Raze took her hands in his, caressing her soft, slim fingers with his own. “It’s because I care about you that I can’t do this—can’t Join with you, no matter how much I want to. And I do want to, Lucia—so damn much! But I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”
She yanked her hands out of his.
“You know what’s not fair? The way you’ve been playing with my heart! You acted like such a nice guy—being so good to my kids and my mom. Acting like you actually cared about them—about me.”
“I know.” Raze looked at her wretchedly. “I never should have gotten involved. I knew I could never have you,” he admitted,