lip.
“I kind of wish we’d been alone.”
I got this prickly feeling.
Like maybe I wished that too.
I wasn’t sure.
I didn’t know how to explain it to Landon that I just wasn’t ready for us to do things.
I didn’t know how to explain it to myself.
Landon squeezed my butt a little bit. “Maybe next time . . .”
Kerry popped her head in. Landon let go of me.
“Hey Darius,” she said. “We’re getting slammed at the tasting bar. You mind helping out?”
“Oh. Sure.” I kissed Landon. “Sorry.”
Landon kissed me again. “Can we talk about this, though? Tonight?”
I swallowed.
“Yeah. Sure. Tonight.”
BREAKFAST FOR DINNER
After our shift, Landon came home with me, along with a bag full of groceries to make Breakfast for Dinner, which was his favorite. The house was quiet, Laleh and Grandma and Oma all doing their own things, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that a cloud was hanging over our family.
But then Landon started cooking. He made scrambled eggs and hash browns and bacon and Brussels sprouts and brioche French toast.
Eventually Laleh came down, no doubt drawn by the smell of bacon.
“Can I help?” she asked.
Landon smiled at her. “Sure.” He had her dip the brioche and season the hash browns and even taste-test the Brussels sprouts.
Laleh loved cooking with Landon.
I couldn’t remember the last time my sister had smiled so much.
When Mom got home, she saw them cooking together and smiled, too.
I couldn’t remember the last time my mom had smiled so much either.
Even Oma and Grandma seemed happier when they sat down to a table laden with bacon and eggs and French toast.
Landon Edwards was magic.
After dinner, Mom insisted on doing the dishes herself. “You and Landon worked so hard,” she said. “Relax.”
“You sure?”
“Yes. He’s a keeper, huh?”
My ears burned.
“Thanks.”
I pulled Landon away from the living room, where he was telling Oma about the Wuyi we’d tasted (Oma was a big oolong fan), and led him up to my room.
“Hey,” he said when I closed the door and turned back to him.
“Hey. Thank you.”
“Sure.”
I wrapped my arms around him and rested my chin in his hair.
“This was really nice.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Everyone was so happy.”
Landon’s eyes twinkled. “I like making your family happy.”
“Thank you.” I leaned down and kissed him.
His mouth still tasted a bit like bacon, but I kind of liked it.
I led him to my bed and scooted into the corner, letting him rest against my chest. I wrapped my arms around him, kissed his cheek, his jaw, his neck, and then I rested my head against his and closed my eyes.
I loved cuddling with Landon.
But it always turned into kissing sooner or later.
This time was no different: After a few minutes, Landon shifted and brought his lips toward mine. He was so slow and deliberate and tender, with the way he ran his hands through my hair, and grazed my lips with his, and rested his forehead against mine.
I kind of melted.
When he pulled away, his lips were puffy, and his cheeks were flushed, and his eyes were soft like a cat’s. He smiled and reached out for me, taking my hand and pulling it toward his stomach. He slipped our hands under his shirt. The hairs above his waistband tickled my palm.
My breath hitched.
“Is this okay?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
“Can I do it to you?”
I shook my head.
He sighed and let me go. I pulled my hand back and sat on it.
“Is it something I’m doing? Or not doing?” he asked.
“No. I just . . . It’s hard.”
Landon giggled.
“Not like that. I don’t know . . .”
“I really like you, Darius.”
“I really like you too.”
Landon pushed my hair back off my forehead.
I melted a little more.
“I don’t ever want to pressure you. But I have to be honest and, well, sex is important to me. As part of a relationship.”
“I’m sorry. I’m just not ready.”
“What do you need to be ready?”
“I don’t know.”
I wanted to cry.
“I don’t know.”
Landon tugged my arm until he pulled my hand out from under me. He kissed my palm, and then he reached up and brushed a tear off my cheek. “Okay.” He wrapped his arms around me, and rested his head on my chest, and let out a little sigh.
* * *
When Landon headed home, and everyone else had gone to bed, I steeped a cup of Bai Mu Dan—this soothing, delicate white tea—to settle in for the night.
My bedroom still smelled faintly of Landon’s cologne, and I felt a little sticky and unsettled as I breathed in his