That was one of the problems. You were happy with you and me, and we said we both wanted a baby. But as soon as she became real, you ran. The thing you seem to forget is there is no me without her.”
He held his hands up as if fencing me off. “Hey, I didn’t mention her because I didn’t think I had to. Obviously she’s important. But I haven’t had a chance to get to know her yet. But when you let me come back, we’ll all be a family.”
I let out an exasperated laugh. “You can’t have it both ways. You can’t have it the way it used to be and get to know her now.”
Kyle crossed his arms in front of his chest. “What am I supposed to do, Gordo? What do you want from me?”
I stepped closer, as sure and steady as I’d ever felt. I wanted to be a good dad for Giuliana above anything else, and letting Kyle’s toxicity back into our lives was a surefire way to let her, and myself, down. “I don’t want anything from you, Kyle. Don’t you get that? I want nothing. You walked away, and I’ve moved on.”
“Oh, please,” Kyle said, his tone prissy and high-pitched. “You call that disaster of a man moving on? Get this out of your system, Gordo. We both know how stubborn you can be. But think about it. Think of Giuliana and how she should have two parents. It’s what’s best for her.”
“That’s rich. Javi has been more of a dad to her than you ever have been—or will be.”
His face was worth every harsh word. Kyle’s features were scrunched in a mask of anger and disgust. For a moment it was hard to see—I’d been in love with him once, after all. There had been years of good, and I had more warm memories than bad of our time together. But he’d been rude and cruel about Javi, and only acted like Giuliana existed when it suited him. He’d left me when I’d needed him most.
The problem with the bad parts of Kyle were that they were really awful.
“You should leave,” I said, hoping I could put an end to this chapter of my life, once and for all, and go back to the new family I’ve been building. But Kyle, unwilling to make things easy, couldn’t simply say ‘goodbye’.
“Think about it, Gordo,” he offered as he left, managing to strut as he exited. “I’m working remotely now, so I’m in town for the foreseeable future. It’s what you wanted, remember? It’s a small town, and we’re going to bump into each other. A lot.”
The problem with Kyle was always his confidence and persistence. So many times in our relationship he’d managed to wear me down simply by refusing to let me walk away. Because of our history, I had a sinking feeling that things with Kyle weren’t over yet, and I knew I’d be mulling this encounter over and over again until, like a deep zit, he popped up again.
And what would I do then?
22
Javi
“I said you can leave it,” Gordo snapped at me as I tried to clear the table after dinner. His voice had this edge that was sharp enough to set me on edge. “I’m putting Giuliana to bed, I’ll do it after.”
He picked her up and went upstairs. He didn’t tell me to wait, like he usually did. Gordo didn’t offer to let me kiss Giuliana goodnight or give me a kiss. It could have been that we’d already established enough of a routine that he didn’t feel a need to make the extra effort. But I knew in my heart that wasn’t it.
Since Kyle had shown up at the party over a week ago, Gordo had been...moody. It was like he was stuck in his head, and while I couldn’t blame him for that, I did feel frustrated at the way he seemed to shut me out. I thought we’d done this already, and he’d said I was worth the work. So why wasn’t he letting me help—letting me really be part of this with him?
I rubbed at my arm as I waited for him on the couch. When he came down the stairs and sank down next to me, I knew I needed to say something or it would keep festering inside of me. But knowing that didn’t make it easy to confront him, especially when he seemed so volatile in mood.