My ex-husband hadn’t spoken one word to me since the divorce papers had been finalized, until that day when Javi brought over his impromptu picnic. Couldn’t Kyle understand that our relationship wasn’t a light switch that he could turn off and on whenever it suited him? I had given up so much for Kyle.
When we’d graduated from college, he was the first boyfriend I introduced to my family. The one that pushed my father firmly into “you’re not my son” territory. Kyle had been there for me as I reconciled a new life that didn’t include my dad in it. When we’d married, I’d hoped the permanence of my relationship might thaw my father’s resolve. After all, I was in a devoted and legal marriage. Instead, my mother had called me to let me know how upset my dad was, and Kyle had been there to pick up the pieces again.
When he’d walked out on me, I’d been able to hear my father’s righteousness in my mind. I just knew he’d heard the news and laughed, my failed marriage more proof of the wickedness of my sexual orientation. And I knew that some part of me would always hold that hurt over Kyle’s head.
But the biggest hurt of all, the thing I could never forgive him for, was walking out on Giuliana. It was impossible to think of choosing a life without her in it. That he’d done it and been able to do so without looking back said enough about Kyle’s character to help me know I could never let him back in my life—or Giuliana’s. Ping.
Kyle: I’ve spent a lot of time with a therapist, Gordo.
Kyle: I really fucked up.
Kyle: All I can think about is how badly I need to see you and talk to you.
God, it was too much. I wanted to call him and chew him out, or to block Kyle and erase his name from my phone and life forever. But Giuliana had been up from 3:00 a.m. to 7:00 a.m., ready for bed just as I needed to start getting ready for work. I was tired, and if Kyle had been there…
So much of this would have been easier if Kyle had been there. But he hadn’t been and nothing can ever change that.
The guy behind the counter brough out Javi’s pizza, and I took it, glad to be reminded of my purpose. Feed friend first. Existential crisis after. But each step I took as I walked back to the tattoo parlor was an effort, my feet like lead. I didn’t want to go in there with Kyle on the brain. So I stopped at a bench and sat to call Christian.
“What’s up, Gordo?”
I didn’t waste any time getting to the point. “Kyle’s been texting me.”
There was a pause. “For how long?”
“On and off for the past two weeks. He’s in town, and he wants to talk.”
“And you’re only now telling me this?”
“You’ve been busy with Dane,” I said, but I knew that even if Christian hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have said anything until it got to be too much.
“I’m always going to be here for you, even if I’m dating someone. You know that, right?”
I sighed. “I know. I just don’t know what to do about it.”
“I’ll tell you what to do: You tell Kyle to set himself on fire. You can’t let him screw things up between you and Javi.”
My brows pressed together. “Javi and I are just friends.”
The laughter I received in response was so long and hard it was almost out of character for Christian. I chewed on my cheek until he finished. “What?” I demanded.
“When you wake up, who is the first person who isn’t Giuliana that you think about?”
“Javi, but only because he usually hung out with us the night before.”
“Uh huh,” Christian said, his gloating carrying like a banner through the phone line. “Which leads us to: who have you been spending all your time with?”
“He’s my neighbor, Christian—”
“Who do I hear about all the time? All those cutesy moments between Javi and Giuliana? About how happy it makes you to see someone make her laugh? I don’t even know my neighbor’s last name!”
By that point I was concerned that hyperventilating was next for me.
“I gotta go,” I said before hanging up. I couldn’t listen to it anymore. It felt impossible to even my breaths. Each was a ragged pull, my body