you all tied up all of a sudden?” he asks, obviously picking up on the change in my demeanor.
“Everything,” I tell him, trying to be as honest as I can without blurting out that I can’t get Riley out of my thoughts. “My life has literally been tossed upside down in the last few days and it’s finally setting in.”
“I’ll give you that one, for sure,” he agrees, tipping back the beer bottle in his hands as he finishes it off. “Just give it a little bit of time, and it will be your new normal.”
“What if I fuck it all up?” I ask him, looking him in the eye for the first time since I came back out here.
“We all make mistakes, it’s how we move forward and learn from those mistakes that allows us to grow as people,” he tells me. “And just remember that kids don’t come with owner’s manuals. What works with one doesn’t work with the next. I won’t lie and tell you it’s all puppies and rainbows and carefree days, but it’s all worth it. I wouldn’t change anything about my life, and you’ve seen me at my worst. I’d take all those bad days over again if it got me right back to where I am now. Knowing that I’ve got that woman inside there by my side makes life worth living. Knowing that I’ve got two of the best little girls calling me Daddy and another one on the way is the best thing in the world. Just wait until Evie is old enough to call you Dad for the first time, or tell you that she loves you. It will bring you to your fucking knees, brother.”
“I just don’t want to fuck it all up,” I state mindlessly.
“We won’t let you,” he says confidently. “Those two women in there will keep you and me on the straight and narrow.”
“I hope you’re right,” I muse as I squeeze the back of my neck, attempting to relieve the tension that has built up.
We sit in silence for a few minutes, and my mind races as everything that has happened is on a constant loop. I can’t believe I’m sitting here while my daughter is inside sleeping in a swing.
“I should probably get going,” I tell Derek as I stand back up and turn to walk back into the house so that I can get my girls home. Just as I reach the door, the thought slams into me that I just thought of Evie and Riley as my girls. The scary part of that thought was how right it felt. How right this could all be if she could be mine. If we could make something between the two of us work. But I know that will never happen, not unless I want to lose my best fucking friend in the process.
“Yeah,” Derek agrees. “I’m ready to take my wife to bed.”
“I’m sure you are. You know you can’t knock her up again right now, right?” I give him shit.
“All I can say is pregnancy hormones, especially now that she’s in the second trimester, are fucking crazy.”
“I’ll have to take your word for it,” I tell him as I push the door open. I’ve never spent much time around a pregnant woman unless you count Jillian, and it isn’t like I’ve ever tried to get her into my bed.
Derek follows me inside, both of us heading for the living room where the girls are relaxing on the couch. Thankfully, their conversation has moved on from what I overheard just a little bit ago. I couldn’t imagine hearing any more, especially with Derek by my side. He’d be pissed if he knew Jillian was pushing Riley toward me.
“Hey, you ready to get out of here?” I ask once there's a break in the conversation between Riley and Jillian.
“Sure,” she says, pushing the throw blanket off of her legs. She arches her back in a stretch before standing, and my mind goes right into the fucking gutter, thinking of many other ways I could get her to bend like that for me, off a bed, the wall, a kitchen counter. Any surface will do, in my opinion.
I grab Evie’s car seat and ready the straps to slide her in. I can only hope that dealing with my daughter will help the blood flow redirect where it is headed, so I don’t embarrass myself with a raging hard-on in a matter of seconds. I turn the