turning around to study my short, paunchy form. My body stood about four feet tall. I was pale and wrinkled all over like some oversized naked mole rat. I looked at her laughing reflection through the mirror and frowned. “I’m amazed that you can find humor in any of this shit. I’m beginning to think that they really did break you.” I examined my wrinkled head thinking that I was one hideous bald lady.
Jamie sat up and wiped her eyes. “No, Grace. I just haven’t felt well in so long. I’m sorry. I’ll try and take this more seriously. I realize this is your friend and believe me I’m worried about him too.” She sighed and sat up from the bed. “And Grace, don’t forget, my brother is a big part of this as well.”
I turned to face her. “Okay. I agree that this is pretty intense and a few bouts of giggling can’t hurt. I know you care.”
She smiled. “Alright then, after I change, we can enter as a pair of dark witches. As far as I know, Hell is full of them. And let me tell you, Voltaire won’t be expecting you to throw away your beauty just to rescue Seth. He has a pretty screwed up idea of human nature, and clearly no idea of Madean nature at all.” Jamie hopped off the bed and grabbed her share of the potion.
I watched her down the thick concoction. She coughed and sputtered as the vile tasting fluid coated her throat. I grimaced and smacked my lips; the taste was still stuck in my mouth.
I heard a popping noise and looked up. The change hit her. “Um?” I goggled as I stared at her, or more accurately, him. “You said witches.” I frowned. “What were you thinking?”
“What?” she spun around. “I’m a cave dwarf, Grace. They all have beards you know, even the females.” She smiled showing very small even teeth.
“Oh,” I frowned, “really?” I shook my knobby head and stood beside her. “Boy do we make a pair or what?” I smiled, my thin lips stretching until they disappeared all together.
“So we’re witches and apparently don’t use our powers for cosmetic reasons,” I jabbed her in her side to prove I could relax as well.
“Nope,” Jamie confirmed. “We're too proud and no self respecting cave dwarf would shave her beard.” She frowned, “It does itch somethin’ terrible, though.” She moved her nose up and down and puffed out her cheeks.
“You know,” I sighed as a thought occurred to me. “Whenever I find myself gearing up to go save the day, I end up coming home alone. I feel like my partners are nothing more than fodder. We need to take precautions, James. I can’t keep rescuing people.” I folded my arms with difficulty. They were short and sinewy, making movement awkward.
“I have it!” she shouted making me jump. “Wizards!”
“Um, okay?" I quirked an eyebrow at her.
“You know,” she sighed, exasperated. “Like that thing the wizards use, um, a port key.”
“Oh, man, you are so lucky I read. You can make a port key?” I was totally intrigued. “That is so cool, I would have never thought of that.”
“Well, um, no. I can’t make a port key. I assumed that with your awesome power, you could wing it and make something that could send us back in the event of an emergency. Like maybe a bracelet with a covered stone. We could lift the cover and touch the stone and, zing! We’re back in your living room pigging out on Kung Pao chicken!”
“Oh.” I frowned. “Yeah, okay. I’m sure I can come up with something. Hang on.” I sat on my unfamiliar bottom and concentrated hard. I imagined two gold bangles with hidden stones. The power to transport us home was imbued with just a thought.
“Oh, my God, you are so freaking awesome!” Jamie gushed as a beautiful golden bangle appeared on each of our wrists. “These will really work?” she ran outside. I followed her, getting to the door just as she reached the middle of my driveway. “Okay, here goes.” she shouted, lifting the gold shield that covered the stone she touched it gently and then suddenly she was gone.
“Holy crap!” she laughed from behind me.
“What the hell?” I spun to see her sitting on the couch behind me. I laughed out loud at the sight, amazed at how literal my stupid brain could be. There was Jamie, sitting on my couch, surrounded by several boxes of