penetrative orgasm of her life.
She needed pain.
It was enough to ground me.
Remind me of what I hadn’t wanted for a long time.
I didn’t like that she needed it, and wished otherwise for her, but I also didn’t like that I could feel the craving in her to be normal.
Some people, myself included, were born to never be normal.
Another issue was her problem with being touched. Aftercare in a scene was vital, so that was another hurdle to face but, and it was a massive but, she was worth it.
God help me, was she worth it.
I didn’t know why, what it was about her sass, that heartbreak in her eyes, the face that’d launch a thousand ships, but she just was.
I slumped back in bed, my brain racing as fast as my heart, and I’d admit to being surprised when she slouched on me.
I didn’t touch her, not like I wanted to. Didn’t kiss her or caress her back, hug her like I needed to. Instead, I just got my breath back, and even though my thoughts were heavy ones, I somehow fell asleep. Her on top of me was what I needed, it seemed, to get some rest.
But tonight wasn’t like the other nights. She didn’t sleep the night through, resting even past me leaving her bed and her apartment, at least, from what she’d told me.
Her whimpers, pained and scared, stirred me, and I woke up, just in time to hear that fucker’s name on her lips.
It killed me that this had been a trigger, and I might have walked away, knowing I wasn't strong enough to deal with this, to be what she needed, but she woke up and threw herself across the bed like I was poison before screaming, “Get out, Cruz. Get the fuck out.”
I never did well with orders. Apart from with the council. It was the Dom in me, a trait that hadn’t died even if my taste in the lifestyle had. I didn’t like being told what to do, and I certainly didn’t like it when I knew why.
She wanted to cry.
Alone.
In peace.
My jaw worked at the thought, and I knew I couldn’t do it.
Not just tonight, but any fucking night.
I couldn’t leave her to her nightmares. Couldn’t leave her to that fucker.
If I didn’t do something, if I didn’t help, she’d be forever tangled in that cunt’s web, and while my dick wasn’t magical and didn’t cure everything, I just…
Fuck, she needed this.
But more, she needed to trust me.
So I got out of bed.
I picked up my boots.
I headed for the living room.
Then, I moved over to the sofa and I lay flat out on it, wincing at its size which wasn’t enough for my length, as I grabbed the throw over it and tucked it around myself.
“What are you doing?”
I heard her voice in the darkness, heard the thickness of her tears, heard the anger and the emotions that were out of control, knew she was raging inside, and knew I could help her control that fury, channel it where it needed to be released.
“I’m going to sleep.”
“No, you’re not,” she snapped, irritation overtaking her sadness. “I want you to leave.”
“Tough shit. I’m not going anywhere,” I rumbled, making my voice sleepy even though I was anything but.
I was wide awake.
I had to be.
I was about to fight for us.
For her.
Even if she didn’t understand that.
“Get out, Cruz. Get the fuck out.”
Was I surprised when she came at me like a wildcat?
No.
Her nails stung like a bitch though, and her slaps were hard and fierce, but even though I let her burn herself out for a minute or so—going to high school a couple of years early primed anyone for a beating—I was quick to grab her wrists, drag them behind her back, and then, questioning myself all the while, I forced her onto her knees.
She hissed at me, spitting at me and the globule of saliva landed on my pec. I’d expected worse, a bite, hard enough to draw blood, so I wasn’t angry, but she couldn’t know that.
Any doubts disappeared.
And I knew this was right.
What she needed.
What I needed because, somehow, I needed her. Crazy, messed up, fucked up, screwed up, all of that. I needed Indiana goddamn Sisson.
So I gave her me.
After slapping her ass, I grabbed her hair again, pulling it hard enough to jerk her head back. My eyes were on hers all the while, even though the darkness shielded us both, and I growled out,