Crossroads (Beautiful Biker MC Romance Series) - DD Prince Page 0,104
this like I was exasperating him, stepping back so my hand was no longer on his chest. He gestured to my bike. “Find someone else.”
“Why?”
“Go home and for fuck sakes start lookin’ for a man outside this life. There are some good brothers in this club but the sooner you put distance between the club and yourself the better off you’ll be.”
”Never gonna happen. The club is part of who I am. That’s not ever gonna change whether you do or don’t want me.”
“You know I fuckin’ want you. I pulled that alarm out of self-preservation and you fuckin’ know it.”
“Oh, because you need protecting from me? I’m that scary…”
“Yeah. Yeah I fucking do,” he snapped and pushed me against the back of the shed and held me there, his hands holding my face. My heart skipped a beat. ”Because if I got a taste of more than just fucking you and liked it, I wouldn’t wanna give that up. And it’d not only sting when you got tired of my dick, decidin’ it ain’t worth the hassle, it’d fuckin’ kill. So, then I’d be fucked because your family, a brotherhood I fuckin’ worked hard to earn… that’d be ruined for me because they’re yours first.”
I fought the urge to kiss him, to plead with him to listen to me and instead I shoved him back. He took two more steps away from me.
“So, let me get this straight. You want me but you won’t allow yourself to have me because it might go wrong and you’d lose my family?”
He stared.
“Wow. I’m disappointed. One of the reasons I wanted you was because I thought you were fearless. A fearless man who wasn’t afraid to fight for what he believed in, even if it meant goin’ against the grain, ripping off his patch, blacking out his ink. Somebody who wouldn’t hesitate to claim what he’s earned, and you’d have earned me partly by being brave enough to claim me.”
“Get it through your skull. A life with me would be nothin’ but disappointment and risk. I haven’t earned happy, Jojo. Not even close.” He pinned me with just his eyes this time. “The way you look at me, it’s like you’re seein’ a man that I know I am not. I’m a lot of things, baby, but I ain’t a fraud.”
“Maybe I’m the one with X-Ray vision, Superman.”
“Wish that were true, princess. But you’re wrong. We need to get you back. I don’t like havin’ you here. You’re too clean for a place this fuckin’ filthy. I just wanted you to see the truth of where I come from.”
“I already knew.”
“You think you do, but you don’t.” He shook his head. “Forget what happened in the back of that van. I’m sorry it had to be me that was your first, that it wasn’t with someone who deserved to be that for you.”
“I’m glad it was you. I’m fucking thrilled it was you.”
“You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”
“You’ve saved my life. You’ve saved Ella. You’ve done a lot for the club, and you---"
“Bein’ with me would be like playing Russian roulette. But you’re playin’ with not one, but four bullets in the chamber. A smart girl would not take those odds. You’re a smart girl, Jojo; you’ve just got temporary insanity.”
I lifted my chin and stared into his eyes. He stared back.
God, this man had demons. Bad ones. They had a tight grip on him. Something needed to shake them off.
“Clearly you want my family more than me, and want to hang onto that so much you’re not willing to take the risk. Maybe you’re not who I thought you were.”
“Believe me, it’s better this way.”
“You don’t feel the same about me as I do about you, so that there tells me you don’t deserve me. I deserve a man who wants me so badly that he is willing to do whatever has to be done to be with me.”
He did his best to hide a reaction. He failed. ”Good.”
“Fine. I’m done,” I lied to his face. “One kiss for the road? To say goodbye?”
I saw a swallow work down his throat. “No. No kisses. Get home.” He gestured toward my bike.
I held my head high, then walked past him to my bike and started it up. No goodbye kiss because he wasn’t ready to say goodbye. Maybe he didn’t know that, but I sure did.
***
When I got into the clubhouse, him behind me, my father and Rider both stood there