pulled you behind that tree. Gettin’ shot for her trouble then, too.”
“She didn’t get shot,” Rose said. She looked at me. “You didn’t get shot.”
“For fuck’s sake,” Mark said to me. “You didn’t tell anyone?”
“It was a graze,” I said quietly, still pulling on his hand. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s go.”
I didn’t want to be there anymore. I wanted to go. I knew what he was trying to do, and I understood the purity behind it, but I wanted to escape. It felt like I was being peeled, layer by layer, and somehow, these people were seeing parts of me that weren’t for public consumption. Somehow, Mark’s words were twisting situations, turning what I’d done on instinct into some sort of heroism. It wasn’t that. It had never been that. If I’d thought about what I was going to do, I would’ve saved myself first. Everyone knew that.
“You were shot that day?” my dad asked, disbelief threading through his words. “What?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make things worse for you,” I said to Lily, ignoring my dad. “We’ll go.”
“You were shot back then,” she said, watching me closely. “And you never said anything?”
“Everyone was dealing with enough,” I replied.
“God, CeeCee,” she said, reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “You saved Rose. We all knew you did, but—”
“I thought she was you,” I blurted, the biggest secret of my life pouring out of my mouth like I had no control of it. “All I saw was her hair, and I just grabbed her. I thought it was you, okay? So, just leave it.”
“You didn’t say anything because you thought she was me?” Lily asked dubiously.
“It was an accident,” I ground out, taking a step backward. “I didn’t mean to save her.”
“You still did,” she pointed out, throwing her arms out to the sides in disbelief. “Why wouldn’t you tell anyone that you were hurt?”
“You were hurt worse,” I said, trying to make her understand. “I didn’t get to you.”
“CeeCee,” Lily said softly in understanding, her eyes filling with tears. “You couldn’t have gotten to me. I wasn’t anywhere near you.”
I shook my head again. I didn’t need to hear about it. I didn’t even want to think about it.
“Gram saved me,” she continued. “And Grandpa and Grandma Vera. They saved me. I had people to protect me.”
“Doesn’t matter,” I said, swallowing hard.
“It does matter,” she said, even softer. “Because you were the only one who could’ve gotten to Rose in time.”
“I didn’t do it on purpose,” I said dismissively.
“Don’t do that,” Lily ordered, her tone firming.
“I didn’t,” I said emphatically. “It wasn’t a conscious decision. If I would’ve thought about it, I would’ve saved my own ass first.”
“Doesn’t sound like it,” she said. “Because you did the same thing today. You didn’t save your own ass today.”
“Leo was closer,” I tried to explain. “I wasn’t sure which way to go, and—”
“Bullshit,” she said, coming at me. I held back a yelp as she wrapped her arms tightly around me, overlapping against my sore back. “You protected him when he couldn’t protect himself,” she whispered into my ear. “Thank you, sissy. You saved him for me.”
Closing my eyes, I let go of Mark and held her against me, tucking my face into her shoulder. She smelled familiar, like family. Like Lily.
“I really didn’t mean to,” I whispered back, soaking up the feeling of my sister’s hair against my face, her head resting against mine.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said, one of her hands lifting to smooth the hair down the back of my head. “You still did it.”
We held each other quietly for a moment. It was the first time in years that I’d had any physical contact with my little sister that didn’t feel forced. You don’t realize how important that is, or at least I hadn’t, not until it was gone.
“Well,” I said, pulling back as I got myself under control. We had an audience, and as much as I liked the fact that she’d hugged me, their eyes felt like they were burning holes in my skin like tiny lasers.
“The doctors say he’ll be okay,” Lily said, stepping away slightly to give me the space I desperately needed. “As long as he doesn’t get a really nasty infection. They have to do skin grafts, though, and try to fix his hand and wrist. They think he must have reached out to break his fall then the bike went down, and he slid pretty far, which is