okay. Let’s talk.” She set the peeler down, grabbing a knife.
I eyed her as she chopped potatoes with a little too much enthusiasm.
“I just don’t want you to feel like anything would change if we…you know,” I muttered.
She laughed. “You are thirty-four years old and you can’t talk about sex? How did you ever manage to survive your high-school days?”
I shrugged. “Good looks and charm, I suppose. I guess I’m just a natural when it comes to…sex. You don’t need to be able to talk about it to do it. Kind of like riding a horse. I couldn’t tell you what it’s called when I make my gelding shift right in the middle of splitting a herd, but I still know how to do it.”
“I have heard sex compared to a lot of interesting things over the years but never to herding cattle. Well,” she thought, “maybe a few times but not in a very friendly manner. I think they were talking about one of the sororities at college.”
The laughter rang out between us. “I can’t imagine it was said with much flattery. Listen, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable here. That’s the furthest thing from what I’d want. I just thought since there was an attraction, maybe we could help each other out.”
Her eyes narrowed. “That’s what you thought, huh? Sex isn’t supposed to be a thing of convenience, don’t you realize that? It should be about love and passion, about filling the other person's world with an experience so wonderful that you want to share it with them for the rest of your life. I’m sorry, but no.”
“No?”
“No. I admit that I’m attracted to you, and yeah, it’s hard to control. I’m not going to have sex with you, though, and that’s final. It’s obvious we have two very different views about it. Sex to you is the ability to scratch that itch whenever you want. It doesn’t matter who it’s with or what it means to them.”
“But—”
She set down the knife and waited for me to continue, but I couldn’t think of anything to come back with. It was true; sex was a fantastic thing that I thought should be enjoyed by everyone who was legally allowed to do so. I never thought I’d end up marrying a woman who didn’t share those same views. If I were honest with myself, I could only think of one person I wanted to sleep with, and she was standing in front of me.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” she sounded unsure.
“If I told you that having sex with you would mean something to me, what would you do then?”
“Laugh, just like I’m going to right now. Are you forgetting that I know about your past? That’s one thing all of your brothers made very clear. Hell, they are placing bets on if you’ll make it six weeks without stepping out, let alone six months.”
I laughed along with her, doing my best to hide the pain that was now creeping into my chest. It was a foreign sensation. For the next twenty minutes, we talked about different recipes she wanted to try before moving on to how the herds were doing with the pending winter. I’d come to enjoy our evening talks, even if they ended up in arguments at times.
There was still a tension between us, a passion that I thought we could learn to explore together. I had to be slow with Hailey. I made a promise to myself; I wouldn’t try to bed her again. The next time that I wanted to pounce on her, I would simply walk away. If she wanted to take our relationship any further than it already was, it would have to be her move.
Hailey smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back. Sex life or not, I was happy to be married to such a feisty woman. She kept me on my toes, and I loved every second of it. There wasn’t a thing in the world I would change about her.
16
Chapter Fifteen (Hailey)
“You know I’m not the dog that you think I am,” he said. “I’ve had real relationships before.”
I chuckled, “Oh yeah? Alright, I do find that a little bit hard to believe. So, when was the last time you had a real relationship?”
He shrugged. “A few years ago.”
“If you want me to open up then you need to work on that too. You can’t expect me to share unless you do the same.”
He sighed, leaning