to address the whole shower oral sex thing.
I mean, the witch is cute. And what’s that saying? When in Rome, do the Romans?
“A case of large Jolly Ranchers!” a wiry male shifter calls out, pulling me from my thoughts of sexy Romans doing the dirty Roman Candle. “Plus six cans of Coke, a dozen sugar cookies with the pink frosting and sprinkles, and four packages of Pop Rocks.”
My head snaps to him, my eyes filled with interest at the mention of Pop Rocks. How does he know my weakness? I eye the shifter cautiously.
Can’t seem too eager. I point at the item up for grabs. “This is a sturdy piece made out of lunch tray, mystery adhesive that would glue your ass to a rocket and have you up in space with no trouble, and gneiss. You’re telling me that four packages of Pop Rocks is the best that you can do?” I question, my gaze hard.
The male shifter looks confused for a beat. “What’s gneiss?”
I gasp. Blasphemy. These inmates need some serious rock tutelage. “What’s gneiss?” I repeat, shaking my head at his ignorance. “It’s only the best striped metamorphic rock formed from high pressure and temperature alone. This little beauty will stand the test of time, and I’ve made it as sharp as Wolverine’s blade,” I explain as I hold up the shank.
“How the hell do you know that?” Sophie asks on a snort.
“I’m a cockatrice; we have a thing for rocks.” I shrug. I thought this was common knowledge. Just like dragons like hoarding golden treasure and useless shiny things—so stupid—cockatrices like to collect rocks.
“That’s what she said,” Sophie cackles, punching one of the water fae in the shoulder and raising her eyebrows like, get it?
Zen shakes her head. “You’re better than that, Sophie.”
I laugh at the dig.
“Fine. Ten packets of Pop Rocks, a case of Jolly Ranchers, six Cokes, but no sugar cookies,” the skinny male shifter calls out.
“Done!” I shout back with a smile.
Several groans and curses ring out as people get up, pissed at having lost, but I couldn’t be happier. I made out like a bandit.
“The item you’ve purchased will be delivered when Sinclair has received payment,” Zen calls out, and the male shifter nods his head and disperses with the rest of the group that’s breaking off.
“I call dibs on a Jolly Rancher,” Sophie declares beside me.
“Sorry, Soph, I have plans for those, but you and the crew can have the Cokes,” I offer instead.
“Fine. But they better not be diet,” she grumbles, and I smile and give her a pat on the back. I don’t blame her. Diet soda is nasty.
“Alright, Joe, you ready for another epic treasure hunt?” I ask the giant troll, my tone the high-pitched saccharine kind that’s usually reserved for talking to baby animals. I just can’t help myself with the big guy. He’s just too adorable with his grunts and his big ass self, and since he doesn’t talk, he’s the best secret keeper ever.
Joe grunts happily—or at least I think it’s a happy grunt, they all basically sound the same—and follows me as I go full Shawshank and scour the yard for any more pretty rocks that either need to be added to my collection or molded into their true shank-tastic form. Everything else, I give to Joe for a snack.
“Ohhh, amphibolite!” I shout out after about twenty minutes of treasure hunting.
I hurry to pick up the rock and bound over to my troll, who’s currently gnawing on some concrete pieces. We’ve come to an understanding that he doesn’t eat rocks until he shows them to me first so I can give him the all-clear. I once caught him chewing on a beautiful sliver of obsidian, and I about lost my mind.
“Now, Joe, you may be thinking to yourself, didn’t she just sell a shank with a similar rock? And that’s where you’d be wrong. See the speckled pattern? It’s different than the stripes of the gneiss,” I explain, turning the rock around in front of us. “They have similar coloration though, which is mind-blowing, because the gneiss is derived from granite, whereas the amphibolite isn’t! Can you believe that?” I ask him excitedly.
Joe grunts. Excitedly.
I nod. “You’re absolutely right, Joe! I’ll use a blue lunch tray for this one instead of the red, it’ll really complement the speckles. Such a good suggestion.” I hug Joe’s meaty thigh, since I can’t reach his midsection, but yelling pulls my attention away from the big troll teddy