populism or something.”
“I can charm my way through the offensive stuff.”
“Populism and social responsibility. That’s what we agreed on.”
It was, and those were the topics Caroline planned to cover. But messing with Ellen was one of her favorite pursuits. “I thought we agreed on tasteless juvenile humor and penis jokes. How can I be expected to keep all your requests straight?”
“That text message was meant in jest, as you well know.”
Senator Goldman was nervous, because she sounded a little panicked. Caroline decided to keep going. “What about razzing on your rich donors? I wrote up a little routine for us. I got us top hats and monocles and everything.”
Ellen gave her an exasperated look. “Caroline, really. And where the hell are your notes?”
She tapped her temple. “It’s all in here.”
Ellen threw her hands up in the air. “Well, I’m screwed. Is it possible to lose money at a Beverly Hills fundraiser? I’ve never heard of it happening, but anything is possible.”
Caroline grinned at her. She wouldn’t give Ellen such a hard time if she didn’t know that the other woman secretly enjoyed it. “I have this really good line about Jews in Hollywood. Can I use that?”
Ellen glared at her. “Caroline, honestly.”
Jack cut in. “She’s also got this great joke about a priest and a rabbi. They walk into a bar, see, and one of them is carrying a tiny piano and…”
“And what?” Ellen asked.
“I don’t remember. I was actually hoping you’d interrupt me before I got much further.”
Ellen laughed. Her panic had given way to amusement. “You two are ridiculous. I’m not inviting you to any more fundraisers.”
“Jack’s been helping me with my speeches lately,” Caroline said. “He knows all the good lines.”
“Is that why you’ve started focusing on tax cuts and destroying the environment?” Ellen asked.
Jack adjusted his tie. “We don’t need trees. Or clean water.”
“What about all the stuff I have about your secret misandrist plan to throw off the shackles of our oppressors and take over the Senate in your second term?” Caroline asked.
Ellen rolled her eyes. “Cut it out.”
“But that’s the other half of my speech.”
“Seriously. Just go in there and say how much you love me. And how much you love my ideas on how to strengthen the economy.”
“You expect me to lie?”
Ellen switched her attention to Jack. “Does she act like this on the campaign trail?”
Jack gave her the most beleaguered look he could manage. “All the damn time.”
“And your staffers haven’t tired of it?”
He smiled at her. “No comment.”
“His campaign manager doesn’t like me,” Caroline announced.
“That’s not true,” Jack said. “Greg just finds you a little too progressive and headstrong for his tastes.”
“That’s code for strident feminist bitch,” Caroline said to Ellen in a stage whisper.
“You left out man-hating,” Ellen said mildly.
“Oh, yes. That too.”
Ellen frowned. “Regardless, that’s still not terribly flattering.”
“I know,” Jack said. “He’s a work in progress.”
Ellen patted his shoulder affectionately. “At least you’re learning.”
“I can be taught.” Jack winked at Caroline. “My wife says I’m a reasonably decent student of gender theory.”
“He’s also good at sex,” Caroline said.
Ellen sighed. “Are you two going to go the entire night without making a single serious comment?”
Jack put his arm around her. “That’s the goal.”
“I plan on being as facetious as possible,” Caroline said. “It’s the only way you’ll learn, as you said, not to invite us to any more fundraisers.”
Ellen glanced over Caroline’s shoulder. “Daniel just arrived. Can he hang out with you tonight, Jack? He hates these things and I have to work the damn crowd all evening. You can talk about all the things men talk about when their wives aren’t around.”
“Boobies,” Caroline said.
“Tentacle porn,” Jack said.
Ellen shook her head again. “You two. Someone help me get through the next few hours. And the correct answer is dinosaur erotica.”
“I like her,” Jack said to Caroline.
“So do I. Does that mean I get to hang out with you all night?” Caroline asked Ellen.
“I need you to flirt with all the donors.” Ellen turned to Jack. “If that’s okay?”
His lips turned up ever so slightly, and Caroline felt him pinch her ass. Of course Ellen was kidding, but still. She had absolutely no idea what the two of them had planned once the night came to a close.
“That’s fine,” he said.
“All right,” Ellen said. “Let’s get you situated, Caroline, before you really do change your entire speech.”
Caroline kissed Jack on the cheek. She’d string Ellen along for just a bit longer before she clued her in on what she really