getting on the plane, finally settling into her first-class seat.
When she stepped off, she’d be someone else. Ben would be waiting for her. A good man, a faithful and loving one. Maybe she could never truly love him, or anyone. But she could try.
She’d told Ben that, now that her sister had died (overdose, of course—so sad), she wanted to travel, to see the world she had never been able to explore. He agreed. He was ready to take some time off of work, as well. He would leave his practice with his partner for a time. Later, they’d decide what to do, where to settle.
What a perfect way to start our new life together, he said. A fresh start, a clean slate for both of us.
Emily’s thoughts exactly.
FORTY-FIVE
Selena
I did you a favor. One day, you’ll see that.
A month after Pearl set fire to her father’s life, Cora saw the girl hovering again on the sidewalk by the oak where she’d seen her before. This time, instead of hesitating, Cora opened the door and went outside to meet her.
There was a moving van in the driveway, most of Cora’s possessions and the girls’ in boxes. They were moving out of the big house, into something smaller on the other side of town. Cora let Doug have the house; she couldn’t live in a place that was alive with memories, where the ghosts of every one of her broken dreams was hiding around each corner. Selena and Marisol were both off at school and Cora was alone for the first time in her adult life.
What do you want, Pearl? Cora asked when the girl approached. She looked older than the last time Cora saw her, more confident and poised, more polished.
I wanted to say I’m sorry.
This came as some surprise to Cora. You’re sorry.
I’m sorry you were hurt.
Cora didn’t know what to say. She, too, felt like she should apologize. Because Pearl had also been hurt. Cora could see that in her. Unlike Cora, who had absorbed blows, and kept quiet all these years, Pearl had struck out in her anger. She’d aimed at her target and hit a bull’s-eye.
You got what you wanted, right? said Cora. Whatever your price was, he paid it. Now leave us alone.
Cora remembered that Pearl looked disappointed. It wasn’t just about that.
No?
I did you a favor, she said, cool and pretty, aloof. One day, you’ll see that.
Now, in her attic office, Selena sought to capture that final encounter between Cora and Pearl on paper. How could Selena describe what that street was like in early fall, her mother’s despair, the beautiful and mysterious Pearl hovering on the street? She remembered how the air always smelled like cut grass, and the blue jays squawked in the trees. She knew what it was like to find yourself face to face with Pearl Behr, who somehow seemed to know more about you than you knew about yourself.
And you know what, Cora told Selena when they talked about that final encounter, Pearl was right. Ending my life with your father was the best thing that ever happened to me, even though it felt like the worst time of my life. I lost everything, but I found myself. I went to work at the shelter, found Paulo.
* * *
Black Butterfly. It was Beth who encouraged her to write the story of Pearl Behr and Grace Stevenson, and how their lives intersected with her own. After two years of research, with the help of Hunter Ross, Selena was nearing the final editorial draft. Beth had brokered a book contract with a major house, and the book was slated to publish next year. What had she been before she met Will, Graham, had children? She was a writer, a dream she let languish and die. Now, through the ashes of her life, she rose.
Write it, said Beth. When we narrate our experience, we take control of it. And in controlling the story of our past, we can create a better future.
* * *
Graham’s trial and conviction for the murder of Jaqueline Carson, his imprisonment, the boys’ therapy, their crushing pain, her own. It had been a long, dark night of the soul where no light was visible at the end of the tunnel. Through it all, she wrote and wrote.
She kept writing as the truth about her husband—all of it—came out.
After years of affairs with coworkers, women he’d met in bars, strippers, and a pattern of escalating violence toward women—the girl in