this up to her. I had done more damage than I thought when I walked away from her. She was right, I wasn’t the man I used to be. I was ashamed of that man- no, that kid. I was ashamed of the kid that didn’t have the balls to stick around and be there for her. And who was I now? I was driven by my own greed, too busy filling my bank account to even take the risks that she had taken to give herself the life she wanted. I didn’t deserve this woman. Hell, I wasn’t even in the same league as her.
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly, running my hand across my jaw. “I’m so sorry. I’ll take you home now.”
Anna
I was shocked at Robert’s response. I hadn’t expected the look of sadness on his face, the look of defeat. I thought that the man I knew was no longer there, but now I could see he was still there, buried deep inside the man in front of me. I had a feeling that my pregnancy had affected him more than he let on, obviously not in the same way as me, but it had changed the course of his life. It changed who he was supposed to be.
He grabbed his stuff as I stared at him and then headed for the door, pausing momentarily for me to follow. We walked down to his car in silence and drove out of the city without another word spoken. I didn’t know what to say. All along, I had blamed him for how my life had turned out. Logically, I knew it was on both of us, but I needed someone to blame. Decisions had been made without me feeling like I really had any say in what happened. And I went along, but that was on me. I knew giving our son up for adoption was the best thing at the time, and I didn’t regret it. Robert and I wouldn’t have been able to care for him or give him the life he deserved.
I glanced over at him, his hard expression hitting me like a sledgehammer. I still loved this man, faults and all. But we were different now, and what we had was gone. When he pulled into my driveway, I lingered, unsure what to say at this point. I just didn’t want to leave things the way they were.
“Robert-“
“I’ll call you the next time that I need your help. And Mr. Mosley has put in the paperwork for you to be paid,” he said, staring straight ahead.
“Robert,” I repeated, wishing he would just look at me. When he finally did, I saw shame in his eyes. I hadn’t meant for him to blame himself. I wanted him to understand where I was coming from, but I didn’t want him to put this all on himself. “I didn’t tell you so you would feel bad. What happened is in the past. I like my life. This,” I waved to my trailer, “is just a temporary situation. I’m doing good for myself and I’m happy with my life.”
“Until the government takes it from you,” he huffed. “What will you do then? You won’t take my money.”
My mouth gaped. “How did you know?”
“Eric told me. He saw the letter.”
“Is that why you…was this all to trick me into taking your money?”
He huffed out a laugh. “You should have heard my brothers, trying to come up with ways that I could win you back. I wanted to help you,” he said, wringing his hands on the steering wheel. “I hate you living here, but I knew that you would never accept my money. And then this thing at work happened and I knew you could help me. It was like everything was falling into place. You needed money and I needed your help. Except you won’t take my money now.”
He turned and looked at me, shaking his head slightly.
“I fucked up big time with you. I didn’t realize how bad until today. I know I can’t make it up to you. I’ll never be able to fix that, but I can help you now. They’re not going to give you shit for your land. It’s not valuable and that trailer isn’t worth anything. Let me help you. It’s the least I can do.”
“Robert, I want to do it on my own.”
“But at what cost? How long will you have to save until you can afford the house you want?