“My parents basically told me that I had one shot to make something of myself. If I screwed up, college was gone. So, I went to college and I worked my ass off. I studied nonstop. I didn’t once go to a party. I didn’t date anyone. Hell, I didn’t even talk to my roommate in my dorm. Life wasn’t exactly what I thought it would be either.”
“At least you had the opportunity! I was living with my aunt and uncle, constantly being prayed for. I was forced to go to church every Sunday where people stared at me and whispered behind my back. I was the teenage whore that needed to be saved.”
He grabbed my hand and pulled me closer, resting his hands on my waist.
I shook my head slightly. “You have no idea what it was like for me, Robert. I was in hell, and then when…I saw him for just a few minutes before he was taken from me.”
“Him?”
I nodded. “I can’t even remember what he looked like. My aunt thought it was best that I not get attached. She said it would be harder.”
He rested his head on my stomach and blew out a deep breath. “I’m so sorry. All this time, it’s never really been real to me. I never really thought about what it was like for you.”
I ran my hand through his hair and sank down on the bed beside him. “It was for the best. I know that now. We were too young. There’s no way we could have dealt with having a baby. I mean, where would we be now?”
He looked at me sadly. “It kind of seems like you got screwed either way.”
“Robert, it wasn’t just about you leaving or everything that happened after. I was angry at you because it felt like my choices and opinions didn’t matter.”
“What do you mean?”
“When we told our parents…your parents thought adoption was best. And we both know my mom was too drunk to think of anything other than where her next drink was coming from. It all just came at me so fast. One minute, your parents were suggesting adoption, and the next minute I was being sent halfway across the country. And the whole time that we sat there with our parents, you said nothing. You had all these plans and I was screwing it up with the pregnancy. I knew you didn’t want the baby, so I did what I thought I had to.”
“But you didn’t want to give the baby up?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I guess I never really got the chance to consider it. Once the decision was made, I put it out of my head. I was doing what I was supposed to. I know it was the right decision now, but back then, I just felt like I was doing what everyone else wanted.” He linked his hand with mine and squeezed. “And then you were gone. You didn’t call and…and it was like everything we had was gone just like that. I was devastated. And when I returned when my mom died, I hoped that you would be there, but you were off at school and I was all alone again. It’s been that way ever since.” “Anna, I’m sorry,” he sighed, running his thumb across my jaw. “I was a stupid kid. I thought…I thought that I had ruined your life and you wouldn’t want me in it. All our plans were gone and it all just seemed so hard. I have no excuse, except I was a seventeen year old kid. And then when you came home, we both had different lives. I knew by then that I had screwed up by not fighting for you, but I figured I was too late. So, I pushed you out of my mind and moved on. But there hasn’t been a single day that I haven’t thought about you, about what we lost. Believe me, I would give anything to go back and change the way I handled things.”
“So, where do we go from here?”
He pulled me onto his lap and ran his hand up my back until it wrapped around the back of my neck. “Why don’t you come home with me for the holiday weekend? We have three days to ourselves. We can get to know each other again. We can order takeout and just be us.”
“Do you really think we can just start over again? It’s been thirteen years.”