slowed as he ran his hand slowly up and down my back.
I felt him sigh against my hair and then he flopped back on the bed. “I didn’t use a condom.”
“I’m on the pill.”
“I’m sorry. After everything we’ve been through, I should have been paying attention.”
There was nothing to say. It was done. Part of me wondered what would happen if I ended up pregnant again. It wasn’t very likely, but would he run from me again? Would he pretend like we meant nothing to him? I wasn’t the same girl I was back then. What happened between us changed me. Back then, I felt like I was pushed into doing something that everyone else wanted instead of what I wanted. That wouldn’t happen again. I would be smarter this time. I would make sure that whatever happened between Robert and I, having a baby would be out of the question.
He held me close to him, even though I was feeling like I needed space. I was lost. I had just slept with a man that I never thought I would be with again. I needed to get out of here. No, I needed him to get out of my space. This was all too much for me.
I rolled away from him and stood, crossing my arms over my chest. “You should go.”
He leaned up on one elbow and looked at me in confusion. His hair was flopping down in his face. Obviously the gel had worn out. “Go?”
“This shouldn’t have happened.”
He sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. “How can you say that? After everything, you wish that I was gone?”
I looked away. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I wasn’t ready for this. “Look, we were angry at dinner and a lot was brought up. What just happened was-“
“Perfect,” he interrupted. He took my hand in his and pulled me in between his legs. “Don’t kick me out. I just want to hold you again. Just tonight.”
Against my better judgement, I crawled back into bed with him. He wrapped his arms around me and held me like he would never let me go. It felt right. I felt loved. I would allow it for tonight, but only tonight. In the morning, reality would come crashing down and we would both realize what a mistake this all was.
I woke to Robert’s arms wrapped tight around me. I smiled to myself, but then suddenly remembered why things had gone so wrong between us. He had abandoned me. He left me to deal with the fallout of having a child all on my own. How was I supposed to forgive that? While he went off to school and got to experience things every teenager got to, I was in my aunt’s house, constantly being told what a disappointment I was. I was forced to go to church where people shot me nasty looks and prayed for my soul. They said I deserved it, that I needed to repent and pray that God would forgive me for what I had done. It had almost been a relief to come home when my mother died.
I wiggled out from beneath Robert’s strong grip and pulled a shirt over my head, only to feel his arm wrap around my stomach and pull me back into him.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“To shower.”
“Not yet,” he said, nipping at my neck. “I have plans for this morning.”
I pushed out of his arms and stood, crossing my arms over my body protectively. I couldn’t do this again with him. It was too hard.
“Robert, we need to be realistic here. We both know this isn’t going to work between us.”
He stiffened and sat up in bed. “And why won’t it work between us?”
“Because there’s too much history, too much damage.”
“Anna, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to apologize for going off to school and getting my degree?”
I shook my head angrily. He didn’t get it at all. “You know, it’s not just about the fact that you went off to school. We had plans, Robert. You and I made promises to each other.”
“And then everything went to shit.”
“Yeah, but I was the one that had to deal with the fallout.”
“And you think I didn’t? Do you think I went off to college and partied all the time?”
“I have no idea what you did because I never heard from you again!”
He huffed out a laugh, running his hand through his hair.