Click to Subscribe - By L. M. Augustine Page 0,43

hard, serious. “Yeah,” I say softly. “I know.”

“I mean it,” Cat says. “I’m going to fight for us—first our friendship and then our…” She trails off, turning away.

“Our what?” I don’t mean to sound so angry, but I can’t help myself. Why the hell can’t we just stay friends? Why does it need to be a real romance? Isn’t the fact that we’re with each other what really matters? It’s not that I dislike the idea of going out with Cat; it’s just that I’m not even sure what I feel for her. And until I’m sure, there is no way in hell I’m risking this not working and me losing her for good.

“Our…” She sighs. “Our potential to be more than just friends, I guess?” She winces at her words.

I want to punch something. I thought we were finally getting away from this weirdness.

“What’s the matter, West?” she asks. I’m not exactly working to hide the annoyance on my features.

“You don’t get it, do you?” I say.

“Get what?”

“Get us,” I say, squeezing my eyes shut as if it’ll help make this all go away. “You don’t get that our friendship is more powerful than any romance will ever be. You don’t get that we aren’t ‘just friends’ but like siblings, that we were made for each other—maybe in the romantic sense, maybe not. But the thing is, it doesn’t matter. I would be miserable without you, Cat. Hell, I’d probably be dead without you. But I’m not. I’m not because you’re there for me. Because I can lean on your shoulder and you can lean on mine, because I can trust you, I can share anything with you, because I can love you however the fuck I want and it doesn’t matter. We’re lucky, you and I. Not many people have what we have. So, please, for the love of god, don’t call us ‘just friends’ and act like we are nothing if we don’t love each other.”

I take a long breath as soon as the words roll out of my mouth. A long silence follows, and Cat just looks at her hands, saying nothing. A part of me feels immediately guilty, like I’ve just committed some sin I can never take back, but a much larger half of me is glad to get it out, to finally say what I’ve been thinking since that first day I learned Cat was really Harper.

I drop my gaze to Cat’s hand as she plays with the wood of the boardwalk, fingering its soaking edge. She doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even move, and I feel like an eternity passes between us right then and there.

I close my eyes. My pulse is pounding and my head throbs, and I don’t know what I want anymore but I know it involves Cat—no matter what.

Always and forever.

Finally, Cat looks up at me. Her eyes are unsparkling, and her voice is soft, weak. “I get that, West, and that’s what you don’t get: that I get that. But the problem is,” she says softly, “I fell in love with you, and that changed everything.”

I can’t look at her anymore. My heart thrums faster, faster, faster, and the sky above us slowly melts from a light gray to a dark blue color. The waves below continue to lap at the shore, and I can smell a barbecue coming from somewhere down the lake. “It doesn’t change anything, Cat,” I say. “It doesn’t matter! We’re still friends. We’ll always be friends. Fuck, if you love me then go ahead and love me, but why do I need to love you back? Why do we need to love each other? Why can’t we just stay normal best friends and be with each other like that forever? It’s no different! I for one am not going to risk losing you for some fucked up set of emotions I don’t even understand yet. So yes, I’m angry, and no, I’m not confused, and yes, I’m entirely freaking depressed but does that matter? NO.”

My words seem to echo around us as soon as I finish, and my whole body starts trembling. I just want to leave. Everything seems to crash down on me at once all over again, and it strikes me then that no matter, we can never, ever go back to being truly normal. I choke back tears. My face feels so hot, and all I want to do is stand up and run and hide and never come back.

Cat