The Circle (Hammer) - By Elfgren, Sara B.,Strandberg, Mats Page 0,144

delicious. As usual.’

‘Good,’ Sirpa replies.

She looks as if she means it, but Vanessa knows it must be difficult for her to have another mouth to feed. Especially such an unusually voracious one. Of course Vanessa gives Sirpa half of her student allowance each month, but it won’t cover much. ‘Thanks so much for dinner,’ she says, and swallows a last piece of sausage.

She starts clearing the table. She’s too restless to sit still. When Sirpa stands up, Vanessa tells her to go and watch TV. Sirpa smiles gratefully and disappears into the living room. Wille stays where he is, rocking back on his chair as he sticks a bag of tobacco under his lip.

Vanessa piles the dirty dishes on the counter and fills the sink with water. Then she starts to scrub the plates with the brush. The water is so hot that beads of sweat pop out on her forehead. It’s good to concentrate on something mundane.

Suddenly she feels a pair of hands slide around her waist.

‘You know,’ Wille says, kissing her neck. ‘I saw an ad for a cheap trip to Thailand in a few weeks.’

‘I’ll still be at school.’

Thailand, Thailand, Thailand. He’s been harping on about Thailand for months.

‘Fuck school,’ Wille mumbles. ‘Let’s go. I think I can get some money from Jonte.’

She sidesteps to escape his hands. But they’re on her again and she shakes them off, more firmly this time.

‘What’s the matter?’ he asks.

‘Can’t you leave me alone for one second?’

‘Why are you so grumpy?’

‘And why are you stuck to me like a frigging Band Aid all the time?’

He remains behind her. She feels his irritation radiating out from him.

‘I just want a cuddle,’ he says.

‘And I want to be left alone. Is that so difficult to understand?’

‘Why are you so pissed off all the time?’ He walks back to the kitchen table.

Vanessa dries the dishes while she waits for him to speak again. She knows he can never stay silent for very long.

‘I had a look at those links you sent me,’ he says finally.

She turns with a glass in one hand and the towel in the other.

‘They’re not for me,’ he continues.

Vanessa squeezes the glass so hard it should have cracked. ‘You didn’t see anything you liked, or what?’

‘I don’t want to be a fucking telesales representative, Nessa.’

‘Then what the hell do you want, Wille?’

He laughs feebly, not seeming to realise how angry she is.

‘I don’t know … I guess I think things are pretty good the way they are for me. For us.’

‘And then what?’

‘What does that mean?’

So, Vanessa knows that the end of the world is approaching, yet it’s Wille who has trouble thinking about the future.

‘If you want a decent job, then you’ll just have to go back to school,’ she says.

‘Fuck that. I was never any good at school.’

‘There are vocational schools.’

‘Yeah, but … I don’t know.’

‘So you’re happy with the way things are? Is that what you’re saying?’

‘Well, it would be cool if we had our own place, of course. Maybe you can hook us up with one once you’ve got a job?’ Wille says jokingly.

She can tell he thinks he’s being cute. She’d like nothing better than to hurl her glass at the wall. She probably would have, too, if it hadn’t belonged to Sirpa, just like everything else around them. And Vanessa doesn’t want to explode: she can’t take responsibility for what might happen.

She sets the glass on the counter and lays the towel on the table in front of Wille. ‘You can do this,’ she says.

‘Nessa, I was only kidding! I understand we can’t live like this forever, but I haven’t a clue what to do.’

‘I know you were kidding. But I have to go out for a bit – and if you want us to carry on being together, then I’d advise you to shut up.’

Vanessa walks through the town without knowing where she’s going. Thoughts are spinning in her head like a nausea-inducing merry-go-round. There are far too many Vanessas now, and she no longer knows which is the real one. The Vanessa she is when she’s with Michelle and Evelina is different, for example, from the Vanessa who’s trying to save the world. And then there’s the Vanessa she has to be when she’s with Wille, and the Vanessa who’s trying not to be too much of a burden on Sirpa, plus the Vanessa who wants to leave school with at least a pass grade in her final exams … She’s lost