was so, so fucked.
Chapter 9
Finn
Jasper was long gone by the time I got up on Thursday morning, and if I was being honest, I was relieved.
Last night had been . . . amazing.
But also the worst thing we could’ve done.
Maybe?
God, I didn’t know.
I sat at the breakfast bar and cradled my coffee, trying to sort out my feelings. I was glad he hadn’t wanted to do the friends with benefits thing; I couldn’t do that. Not with him living here. And probably not with him in general. I knew I’d end up wanting more.
But then again, wasn’t that what we’d done last night?
My head hurt trying to get it straight in my brain. So I gave up and drank my coffee. I had another meeting over in Swindon this morning, then one in Bath in the afternoon, for which I needed a clear head.
We were both adults. If Jasper could take this in stride and not let it affect our friendship, then I sure as fuck wasn’t going to be the one who couldn’t. There was no use worrying about it now. I’d take my cue from Jasper when he got home from work.
Feelings firmly locked away, I got ready for my day and headed out.
I met Christian for lunch between meetings.
“What’s up with your face?” he asked as soon as he sat down.
Of course I blushed, of fucking course, and Christian knew me far too well to let it go.
He took the pint I slid over to him, but instead of taking a drink, he stared at me, eyes narrowing. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say someone’s filled you with Christmas spirit.”
I choked a little on the sip of beer I’d just taken, and he smirked.
“But since you’ve told me on numerous occasions how you feel about going out, that can’t be true.” He hummed thoughtfully. “Grindr?”
I snorted.
“Yeah, I thought not.” He looked far too knowing for my liking.
“You got plans for Christmas?” I tried to distract him before he came to any conclusions of his own. The pub we were in was nicely decorated, the tree in the corner sporting a red and green theme, matching the wreath along the bar. Made me think we could do with a few more up at home.
I was so caught up in thinking about a wreath for the front door, I was totally unprepared for Christian’s next question.
“Did you fuck Jasper?”
I stared at him open-mouthed, too startled to convincingly deny it. “No, course not.” It came out like more of a question and I groaned inwardly.
“Wow.” His expression was a mix of awe and surprise.
I bristled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Unaffected by my snippiness, he sat back in his chair. “Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought your baby brother’s best mate was way off-limits.”
“Don’t say it like that.” I scowled. “It makes him sound underage.”
“Which he most definitely isn’t.”
“No.” Images from last night flickered in my head. Strong thighs with a dusting of dark hair. A thick happy trail leading over his flat stomach to . . .
Christian snapped his fingers in front of my face. “Earth to Finn?”
“Sorry, what were you saying?’
“You like him.” He tapped his fingers on his pint glass. “I mean I know you’re not one for a quick fuck, but . . .”
“But what?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what he had to say, but curiosity got the better of me.
“Are you and Jasper a thing now?”
“No.” I ran my fingers through my hair and sat back in my seat. “It was just a one-off.” I still wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
He raised his eyebrows. “Is he still living with you?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t he be?”
Christian looked confused, and I couldn’t blame him.
I wasn’t a fan of hook-ups, never had been.
“We’re just friends who needed to work off some tension.” I grimaced as I said it, aware of how cheesy it sounded.
His snort told me he agreed. “So, you’re what . . . friends with benefits?”
I shook my head. “No.” He looked about to ask more questions and I blew out a breath. “I don’t really know what we are, if I’m honest.” God, it felt good to talk to someone about this and the words flooded out. “I like him, a lot. He’s surprisingly laid back, easy to talk to, hot.”
Christian raised his pint and clinked it against mine. “Your taste in men has certainly improved.” He cocked his head to one side. “I’m not seeing the problem