“Fane, I’ve lived alone for a very long time, making my own decisions, not only for myself but for my children. I have attitude. Sass. I wouldn’t suit you. Eventually we’d fight all the time because you wouldn’t be able to live with me.”
His hand smoothed over her hair. She’d never liked anyone touching her hair. It took forever to put those cornrows in and then braid the entire mass. Somehow, she didn’t mind when Fane stroked caresses and massaged her scalp. His touch felt good. So good. She could get lost in his touch. Forget all her objections and just want to stay right there with him forever.
Forever. The word reverberated through her mind. These people slept in the ground. They lived for a very long time. What else did they do?
She moistened suddenly dry lips, trying not to stiffen, but she must have because his fingers stopped moving along her skin and instead, bit deep, as if he was holding her to him. “When you said you had to feed the ancients, what did that mean?”
“It is not safe for them to leave this monastery and go hunting.”
She felt everything in her go still. In her mind, as erotic as it was, she knew just how often Fane’s mouth had been on her neck and she’d felt the bite of his teeth.
“Blood? Like a vampire? Do you exist on blood?”
“Yes.”
She closed her eyes again and held herself tight. Heart pounding. She’d asked, although she’d already guessed his answer. It was no wonder the humans who knew of vampires got Carpathians mixed up with them. “What is the difference?” she asked in a low, unfortunately shaky voice.
“We do not kill when we feed. We are respectful and we ensure it is not traumatic and not remembered.”
“Teagan?” she asked softly. “She is with one of you?”
“She is Andre’s lifemate.” Fane framed her face with both hands and looked into her eyes. “He is totally devoted to her, as I am to you. He will never allow harm to come to her, and he will move heaven and earth to bring her happiness. He intends to relocate to the United States.”
He brushed her mouth with his. Her lips were trembling. Her Teagan. Her beloved granddaughter. These men took her blood. She tried to roll away from Fane. She had to get to Teagan, somehow find a way to protect her.
“Hän sívamak.”
Fane uttered the endearment in the voice that always tore her up inside. His arms locked her in place and she knew it was useless to fight him.
“I have taken your blood and you enjoyed it. You were never in any danger from me. Not ever. I could never harm you or see you come to harm. You hold my soul. You are light to my darkness and you light the way for me. You are susu. Home. Mine at last.”
She shook her head. “Teagan . . .”
“Is happy. We will see them soon. Very soon. It takes three full blood exchanges for a conversion to take place. We have exchanged blood twice.”
She didn’t like the sound of that. “I really need to sit up. To put some clothes on.” She needed armor. She needed space. Two blood exchanges? What did that mean? The word exchange inferred that she had taken his blood. Images rose, hazy, but there, of her mouth on his chest, of the taste she couldn’t get out of her mind. The moment she thought of it, the craving began all over again.
Once again she fought for breath, gasping and choking. He leaned down and took her mouth, breathing for her. Breathing for both of them. He forced air into her lungs, his hands strong and sure, holding her close, comforting her even as he tore apart her world.
When he lifted his head, his eyes blazing down at her, moving possessively over her face, she shook her head. “I can’t have this. I can’t, Fane. It’s not right.”
“Do you hear yourself, sívamet? You are saying ‘cannot.’ You want this. You know it is right. We are right. You feel it, I know you do because I am with you. You are afraid you will lose your family, but you will not. I will see to your happiness, Trixie, and the thing that makes you who you are, the one thing that makes you happiest is your family.”
Why did he sound so confident? Why did he make sense when none of what was happening to her made sense?
“Gabrielle told me that few women have children and that is why everyone is working to allow that possibility. My childbearing days are long over. I’m too old. I wouldn’t be of any use.” Even as she admitted the truth to push him away, she felt like she’d shredded her own heart. Children were important to Carpathians. She’d gotten that from Gabrielle, but because Fane was sharing her mind, she picked up things about him. And children meant a lot.
“Of course you can have children. When you are converted, a woman of your age is just coming out of her teens. Our children mature at around fifty years. You are the perfect age.”
With a surge of adrenaline, Trixie shot up, dragging herself away from Fane, rolling out of the bed, clutching at the pillow. When he sat up, she bashed him with it. “I. Will. Not. Be. Having. Children.” She bit out each word from between her teeth. She smacked him with the pillow again for emphasis.
He made a muffled gurgling sound, and she pulled the pillow up in order to make certain she hadn’t done permanent damage. In any case, she was smacking the wrong portion of his anatomy. His blue eyes dancing, he burst out laughing.
“Woman, you have a penchant for violence.” He caught the pillow, preventing the next blow.
She loved the sound of his laughter. He sat up as she tried to wrestle the pillow away from him. His laughter caught at her insides, making her heart melt and her stomach turn over in a slow somersault. She found herself trapped between his muscular thighs. They were like twin oak trees. Strong. Very defined muscles. Her gaze dropped to his groin. The smile faded from her face. He looked . . . delicious.
“You really are beautiful, Fane,” she whispered, holding the pillow for protection. How could she walk away from him? From his need? His hunger? From everything he was offering to her? Without thinking, she wrapped her fist around his thick, silken shaft. So hot. Scorching hot. His cock jerked in her hand. Pulsing. Alive. So thick and long she wondered how he could have managed to get inside her.